White House Reading

Last week, President Obama was spotted at Prairie Lights bookstore in Iowa City, where he picked up a few books for Sasha and Malia. The two books he chose (based on recommendations) were “Journey to the River Sea” by Eva Ibbotson and “The Secret of Zoom” by Lynn Dornell. While I haven't read the books (too many words, not enough pictures), a quick look reveals a rather thoughtful selection.

From Amazon's Journey to the River Sea Review:

Sent in 1910 to live with distant relatives who own a rubber plantation along the Amazon River, English orphan Maia is excited. She believes she is in for brightly colored macaws, enormous butterflies, and "curtains of sweetly scented orchids trailing from the trees." Her British classmates warn her of man-eating alligators and wild, murderous Indians. Unfortunately, no one cautions Maia about her nasty, xenophobic cousins, who douse the house in bug spray and forbid her from venturing beyond their coiffed compound.

From The Secret of Zoom website:

Christina lives in a stone mansion on the edge of a forest surrounded by barbed wire, an electrified fence, and signs that read TRESPASSERS WILL BE BOILED. Deep within the forest is the laboratory where her mother was blown to bits when Christina was just a baby. Christina’s father, the head scientist at Loompski Labs, knows how dangerous the world can be. So he keeps his daughter safe at home and forbids her to talk to the very interesting orphans down the road.

Both books feature a young girl who finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings and who must deal with a restriction on her freedom... which must resonate with the Obama girls as they cope with their new home in the Washington DC fishbowl and deal with living under the constant surveillance of the Secret Service.

The Obamas seem to have done a pretty good job of shielding their children from the intense scrutiny of the press (man-eating alligators?) and other intrusive forces, but I'm sure they are still concerned about their daughters' adjustment to life in the White House. Perhaps the Obamas have decided to turn to the world of children's literature for additional perspective. And even if the books weren't chosen for that reason, it was a fortuitous selection that should make for some interesting reading in the Obama household.

Note: I'll have to read the books to provide any more insight or parallels, but I'm willing to bet that the brightly colored macaw is a stand-in for John Boehner.

Fun For Its Own Sake

My good friend Alexander Nazaryan just posted an interview with Donald Pease, the author of a new Seuss biography. My favorite revelation:

After World War II, Hollywood wanted Geisel. He was hired to write a script for Rebel Without A Cause. But in 1953, his wife Helen began to develop a debilitating disease, Guillain-Barré syndrome, and the helplessness he experienced led to another deep reevaluation of what he was doing. He wanted to enter into an art form in which unconditioned laughter emerges out of the sheer fun of making fun, and he associates this form with children’s books. In creating propaganda, he was creating enemies. Now he wanted to get the war mentality out of his psyche and out of America’s consciousness by creating children’s books.

First of all, interesting to see the reasoning behind Geisel's decision to go into children' books... second of all, Rebel Without a Cause?!

I'd love to see the Seussian treatment of Rebel... though I guess if there was ever a rebel without a cause, it was the Cat in the Hat.

EEEEEEE!!! Books!!!

An interesting article about some of the backroom brawling over e-books, by my good buddy David Gelles who writes for the Financial Times:

It was the day after Apple unveiled its iPad and Macmillan’s John Sargent was heading for the Amazon.com headquarters in Seattle on a hastily arranged visit. The chief executive of the venerable publisher arrived with an ultimatum for the world’s largest bookseller – either let Macmillan charge more for its electronic books or wait a painful six months after it made new titles available through other outlets, including on the iPad.

Amazon balked. By the time Mr Sargent returned to New York that evening, it had begun removing all Macmillan titles – both e-books and physical books – from its website. If Macmillan wanted to play hardball, it seemed Amazon was game.

Color Me Impressed

A friend recently pointed me to this NPR link on colors and this amazing graphic showing how our choices of crayon colors has increased exponentially in the last century:

Crayola options from 1903 to 2010. (Courtesy of Stephen Von Worley)

With these technological advances in color identification now enabling us to break down the spectrum of possible colors down to such discrete variations, I think it's time the children's book community caught up and utilized Crayola's full compliment of colors. So look for new editions of your favorite childhood classics to be released in the near future. Now you and your children will be able to fully enjoy revitalized classics such as:

Harold and the Jazzberry Jam Crayon (Crockett Johnson)

Alien Armpit Eggs and Ham (Dr. Seuss)

Go Away Big Mountain Meadow Monster! (Ed Emberley)

Lilly's Cyber Grape Plastic Purse (Kevin Henkes)

Little Cornflower and Little Laser Lemon (Leo Lionni)

Cosmic Cobalt Berries for Sal (Robert McKloskey)

Goodnight Moon (Margaret Wise Big Foot Feet and Clement Hurd)

and my new personal favorite:

The Bittersweet Shimmer Balloon (A. LaMorisse)

By taking advantage of our technicolor age, your reading experience is no longer confined to the clumsy brushstrokes of an antiquated rainbow... finally, you can enjoy the surreal beauty of the full color spectrum and all its bizarre glory!

Now where did I put my copy of Fuzzy Gargoyle Gas Ducklings?

If You Give A Mouse A Dollar... He'll Rob an ATM?!

Looks like that greedy little mouse is at it again:

From AOL News:

LA GRANDE, Ore. (Aug. 8) - A mouse found inside an automatic teller machine — along with a nest it had built with chewed-up $20 bills — gave an Oregon gas station employee the surprise of her life.

The mouse, discovered Thursday, had thoroughly torn up two bills and damaged another 14 to line his nest. Employee Millie Taylor said she screamed and slammed the machine's door shut.

The bank replaced all the money that wasn't extensively damaged, and the ATM has continued to work just fine. The mouse also got a reprieve: He was evicted from his nest but set free outside the station.

Other workers at the Gem Stop Chevron in La Grande in eastern Oregon say they're mystified about how the mouse got inside the machine.

Kristof's Best Kids' Books EVER!!!

A few good friends forwarded this column from the Sunday New York Times to me today: Nicholas Kristof, the renowned op-ed columnist for the NYT recently wrote about his favorite kids' books. It was an interesting list, but what is even more interesting is that if you look at his body of work, you can see that these childhood favorites really did have an impact on his writing career. Below are some examples:

Kristof Favorite: “Charlotte’s Web.” The story of the spider who saves her friend, the pig, is the kindest representation of an arthropod in literary history.

Related Kristof Article: "Humanity Even for Nonhumans." Writings by a Princeton scholar have popularized a movement to grant basic protections to pigs and chickens and to limit human dominion over other species.

Connection: To what extent do humans have the right to decide the fate of animals?

Kristof Favorite: “Wind in the Willows.” My mother read this 101-year-old English classic to me, and I’m still in love with the characters. Most memorable of all is Toad — rich, vain, childish and prone to wrecking cars.

Related Kristof Article: "It’s Time to Learn From Frogs." Scientists are beginning to find a connection between bizarre deformities in water animals and abnormalities in humans.

Connection: A young Kristoff learned valuable lessons in morality from a misbehaving anthropomorphized toad; scientists learn valuable lessons about humanity by studying genetically misbehaving amphibians.

Kristof Favorite: “Gentle Ben.” The coming-of-age story of a sickly, introspective Alaskan boy who makes friends with an Alaskan brown bear, to the horror of his tough, domineering father.

Related Kristof Article: "Obama, Misha and the Bear." President-elect Barack Obama needs a new approach to Russia if we want to avoid a new cold war, and we also need to get over our crush on Georgia’s president, Mikheil Saakashvili.

Connection: Coming-of-age story, of an skinny, introspective young president who attempts diplomatic relations with possibly hostile parties, to the horror of his tough, domineering predecessors.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. The conversation continues, as Kristof invites people to list their favorites here.

Yes We Can (Read Harry Potter)!

From MotherReader, who heard this gem from Obama this past week:

There was one question in particular of interest to us book lovers, and that came from a woman who asked what Obama would say to young writers. He was surprised by the question, which he admitted was one he hadn’t heard before, but didn’t hesitate to answer. He referenced his two books, and specifically mentioned how he wrote them himself, along with many of his speeches. With a light inflection, he said, “In terms of getting a job, knowing how to write is a good thing.” He talked about how he kept a journal, and how it was important for teaching him not only how to write, but also how to think. But my favorite part was when he said, “Over the course of four years I made time to read all of the Harry Potter books out loud to my daughters. If I can do that and run for president, then you can find time to read to your kids. That’s some of the most special time you have with your children.”

Wow. As someone who works in the field of literacy, this is pure gold. Now if I could only find a way to get my hands on a taped recording of Obama reading Harry Potter, then I'd be rich! It would be almost as good as this politico-kid's lit classic:



(Note: this isn't meant to draw any subconscious association between Obama and Jackson other than the fact that they are politicians who happen to be featured reading kid's books.)

(Another Note: I'm a little behind and I just caught the clip of Jackson saying he wants to _____ Obama's ______ off. Yikes! Apparently there are some things he dislikes even more than green eggs and ham.)

In the News: Pig in Boots

Talk about a kid's book that writes itself:



"An English piglet that was scared of mud has gotten over her fears, after being equipped with some miniature Wellington boots. Cinders, who lives on a farm in North Yorkshire, apparently suffers from mysophobia, a fear of dirt; she refused to join her siblings as they wallowed in the muck. Then owner Andrew Keeble's 12-year-old daughter, Ellie, suggested outfitting the pig with the tiny footwear, which had been adorning some key rings. 'Lo and behold, they fitted her like a glove,' said Ellie's father. Keeble, who runs a sausage company, said that Cinders would be spared the grinder. 'She's more of a pet really, now, and she's going to live a very long and happy life." (-from The Week)

Everyone Poops

Everyone poops... apparently even former press secretary Scott McClellan. Here's an actual excerpt from his much-hyped tell-all book (this passage refers to questions about the Valerie Plame CIA leak case):

"I could feel something fall out of me into the abyss as each reporter took a turn whacking me," he writes of the withering criticism he received as the story played out.

Can it be? Is McClellan actually admitting to $h!tting his pants during a press conference? I smell a NY Times bestseller! (No pun intended.)



"Don't worry, I washed my hands. See?"

Not a Box!

It's not a box, it's Michel Gondry's latest project!

On the Campaign Trail: Duck for President

Against all odds, Duck is continuing his historic bid for the presidency of the United States. Lately, in order to keep himself in the public eye, he has been making the talk show rounds. Here are some soundbites from his interview with Larry King:

On Senator Obama: "I agree with the Senator when he says that it's time to get beyond politics as usual. The difference is that I am willing to take it a step further. I think it's high time we entered into an era of politics as unusual. And what would be more unusual than having a humble barnyard duck your Commander in Chief?"

On His Temper: "I know that there is a video floating around on YouTube that has caused quite a stir. I admit that in my past I have had some anger management issues... but trust me, they are nothing compared to John McCain's legendary outbursts. Plus, that cougar had it coming."

On President Bush: "He is the definition of a lame duck president--I think America is ready for a change. I think America is ready to have an awesome Duck in the White House."


For more information, visit www.duckforamerica.com.

New Reality TV Show

From the producers that brought you Iron Chef America and Ace of Cakes, the Food Network is proud to present its newest mouth-watering hit:



Tune in to watch as these five contestants go head-to-head in a series of bizarre and morally challenging competitions. Can the children navigate these sugary obstacles without giving into temptation? Who will be the last one standing and who will take a one way trip down the chocolate river?

There's only one way to find out! Coming this Fall! Thursday nights at 9pm! It's so sweet, you'll have to wash it down with a glass of milk!

At stake for the Sweet Life contestants is their own Chocolate Factory, a private army of Oompa Loompas*, and the chance to live every child's dream.

Do not miss this groundbreaking show! Hosted by the incomparable Willy Wonka and featuring celebrity guest judges like Anthony Bourdain, the Jelly Bean Craving Ghost of Ronald Reagan, and Macy Gray, this first season promises to be Scrumdidilyumptious!


---------------------------------
The Sweet Life is brought to you by Hershey's USA and the American Dental Association.

(*Note: The Army of Oompa Loompas is contingent upon ongoing negotiations with the United Candy Factory Workers of America. The Oompa Loompas are currently on strike and demanding fair wages and new haircuts. If the negotiations reach a stalemate, in lieu of an Oompa Loompa Army, the Sweet Life winner will receive their choice of a glass elevator or a boat that goes through a creepy bug tunnel.)

So You Want To Be President: YouTube Edition

Author: Judith St. George
Illustrator: David Small

So you want to be president? Well, be prepared to be sent through the ringer, my young friend.

All presidential candidates must endure an unbelievable amount of scrutiny, but this year the long arm of the internet has really taken it up a notch. This election will undoubtedly go down in the history books as the YouTube election. From Obama Girl to McCain's 10,000 years to Clinton's Bosnia travails, YouTube exposure is playing a huge role in selecting our next president.

So the burning question is: How would past presidents have been affected by the all seeing eye of YouTube?

William Howard Taft
About This Video

His 1909 election was nearly cut short when the embarassing footage of Taft winning the 1897 Cleveland Deviled Egg Eating Contest hits the internets.








Franklin Delano Roosevelt
About This Video

FDR's presidency was severely challenged by this leaked footage of him playing Murderball. His poll numbers took a plunge, not because America realizes that their president is in a wheelchair, but because he only scored one point and fouled out midway through the second quarter.



Richard Nixon
About This Video

This clip of Nixon's star-making turn as Eliza Doolittle in the Whittier College Drama Club's production of My Fair Lady actually helped Nixon's popularity by revealing his seldom seen human side.







We'll keep searching the archives for more long lost YouTube gems, so stay tuned!

"Stop Making Movies About My Books!"

Courtesy of The Onion, Dr. Seuss finally says what we've all been waiting to hear:

"Why it's simply an outrage—a crime, you must judge!—
To crap on my books with this big-budget sludge.
My books are for children to learn ones and twos in,
Not commercialous slop for Jim Carrey to ruin."

The Times They Are A-Changin'

The American Heart Association just released a report saying that mouth-to-mouth is no longer necessary when performing CPR. They are hoping that this will make it easier for people to jump in and save someone's life... but what they failed to take into account was that they are doing irreperable damage to the lifeguarding industry. Not only have they have taken some of the shine off of the Baywatch franchise... but they have squashed the hopes and dreams of kids like the heroic Michael "Squints" Palledorous.



"What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low... and cool." But no longer possible. This is truly a sad day. Hopefully, it is just the American Heart Association's idea of a funny April Fool's Day joke... and tomorrow we can all go back to saving each other by making out.

The Secret of Water

Author/Illustrator: Dr. Masaru Emoto

In this book, Dr. Emoto utilizes the mind-boggling power of photography to reveal the magic behind our most precious natural resource: Water. While the book does a good job of showcasing the glory of our liquid friend, the book is a little antiquated--because, as well all know, plain water just doesn't cut it anymore. Not when we've got:

-Gatorade: Nothing Hydrates Better On Any Planet
-POWERade: Power Up With POWERade!
-SmartWater: Electrolyte Enhanced Hydration, Vapor Distilled Purity

And now the latest offering of uber-water: Snapple Antioxident Water: Designed To Protectify!. (Note: I didn't make up any of those slogans. I could only hope to be so funny.)

But plain old tap water? How boring. How passe. How last century.

Plain water has taken such a vicious PR hit lately that local governments have taken matters into their own hands. Recent studies have found all kinds of goodies in tap water--apparently cities are taking a hint and looking to infuse their boring product with a much needed dose of awesome.

NYC Water! Designed to Soothify and Freakify!
Our water quenches your thirst and your soul with an enlightened mix of drugs that will take care of your aches, infections, seizures and high blood pressure all with one spiritually satisfying sip--and for all you cougars out there, we've added a dose of hormones to help out with that pesky menopause... rrrrowr!



DC Water: Scientifically Proven to Rock Your World!
Engineered by an illustrious (almost-certified) group of scientists, our water is ultra-fortified with anti-seizure medication, two anti-inflammatory drugs, two kinds of antibiotics, a common disinfectant... and because you've got places to go, people to see... CAFFEINE!!! That's right, we put the "what?!" in "water"!




Hmmmm... on second thought, after hearing about the medicine cabinet that's pouring out of my faucet, maybe it's better if I don't know the secret of water. I'll just play it safe from now on... someone pass me a Guinness.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

Author: Bill Martin Jr.
Illustrator: Eric Carle

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Well, if you take the time to look out your window, you may notice that spring has come unusually early this year. In fact, scientists have been tracking this phenomenon and have found that spring has indeed been creeping up on us earlier and earlier every year. Experts all over the world are trying to figure out what the environmental implications of this disturbing trend.

But we here at the Bottom Shelf already know the greatest threat of global warming:Grumpy Bears.

This is especially bad because we, as a society, have grown complacent. We have been lulled into a false sense of security by the friendly characters we see on TV... like that lovable thief Yogi and the disarmingly maternal Baloo. We have grown accustomed to seeing these mammoth beasts as nature's gentle giants. But this will quickly change as winters grow shorter and shorter every year. As nature encroaches on valuable hibernation time, we may find that these gentle giants are not so gentle anymore.

We all know that nothing puts you in a worse mood than waking up before you're ready (especially on Monday mornings). Now imagine that you are forced to wake up about a month early. And that you are 800 pounds with razor sharp claws.

Now imagine EVERY bear in the world waking up in a bad mood. Do you see where we're headed here? We feeble humans are no match for pandemic bear rage.


A Bleak Vision of Tomorrow: Yes, the children are still the future... but is that future in danger of being consumed by grumpy bears?






It may already be too late. This could be the spring when the bear nation wakes up on the wrong side of the cave and overwhelms the world with a deadly case of the Mondays.

Indeed, the first sign of the apocalypse may have come earlier this week with the whole Bear Stearns debacle. While the Fed managed to temporarily avoid crisis by bailing out the troublesome Bears, we simply do not have the capacity to buy out every Stern Bear that comes out of the woodwork.

And if this clip is any indication, all the money in the world won't make a difference. We don't stand a chance.

Bottom Shelf Properties: Featured Listing

GREAT DEAL! MUST SELL!!!

This charming property may be a "little" house, but it has a big heart. It is strong and well-built and has withstood several relocations (Disclosure: there may be some wear and tear from city living). Classic design will transport you back to a more innocent time. Extremely motivated seller. No bid is too low! Will basically accept any offer to avoid foreclosure.


For more information, contact:

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vlburton@bottomshelfproperties.com

Money, Money, Money

With the threat of a recession breathing down our necks, Congress has decided to provide some relief with an economic stimulus package--which will include a tax rebate. Whether this will turn the economy around remains to be seen. But at the very least, it will put a little extra money in all of our pockets. So, today's question is:

What will you do with your tax rebate?

Harold: I've been meaning to broaden my artistic horizons a bit, so I'd really like to buy a new crayon... I've been wanting to get my hands on a nice Burnt Sienna for some time now. That would be sweet.







Mahalia Mouse: Student Loans. Student Freakin' Loans.









Very Hungry Caterpillar: I'm going out to buy some Ben and Jerry's, a handful of Jolly Ranchers, maybe a couple chili cheez dogs... and then some Tums. For some reason my stomach is killing me.



Clifford the Big Red Dog: Four words: World's Biggest Fire Hydrant.







Old Woman (who lived in a shoe): Well, given that I will get an additional rebate for each kid that I have, I should have more money than I know what to do with. The smart thing to do would be to put it all into an interest bearing account to build up a college fund for all these little rascals--but to heck with it. I'm saving the money for my retirement so I can move into a nice high rise someday, maybe something in a nice suede pump.




The Little Engine That Could: I'm hoping to go from being "The Little Engine That Could" to "The Little Engine That Doesn't Have To Anymore." Early retirement, here I come! Whoo! Whoo!





Corduroy: Forget a new button, I'm buying myself a whole new suit from Calvin Klein!






Runny Babbit: I'd hove to lire a theech sperapist. (translation: I'd love to hire a speech therapist.)

Ronald Reagan: Paper Dolls in Full Color

Author/Illustrator: Tom Tierney

Anyone following the election knows that every Republican nominee had been desperately trying stake claim as the heir apparent to Ronald Reagan. Mitt Romney had the looks, but not the soul. Fred Thompson had the acting chops, but not the stamina. Mike Huckabee had the charm, but not the stature. (I'm not even going to bother with Giuliani and Ron Paul... the rest of the country isn't, why should I?)

Now, for all intents and purposes, there is one GOP candidate left standing: John McCain. And now, thanks to Tierney's book, McCain can actually put on Reagan's clothes and try to convince America that he is Reagan's true successor.

Though I don't see it happening. Reagan's greatest asset was his gift as an orator--he was such a great speaker that he fooled the country into thinking that a silly idea like Trickle-down economics made sense. As for McCain, his speeches sound about as convincing as a 4th grader reading the book report that his mom wrote for him.

But still, let's take a look at how McCain might conjure the spirit of Reagan to convince America that he is as paper-thin as the Gipper himself.

Straight Shootin' John McCain

I am the candidate that is not afraid to tell it like it is. I shoot straight from the hip. I drive the Straight Talk Express. And the straight truth is that despite my better judgment, I have no choice but to pander to my party's base in order to secure the Republican nomination.

If that means supporting the Bush tax cuts, so be it. If it means fudging my stance on torture, why not? If it means denouncing evolution, bring it on! In fact, if I did see a dinosaur, I would shoot it dead and serve it at my next fundraiser to prove just how straight I can shoot... at whatever it is the base wants me to take aim at.



Damage Control McCain

What, this picture? I've told you already that Ms. Iseman and I are merely acquaintances. I am saddened and frustrated by the obvious liberal media bias being perpetuated by the New York Times.

I also find it comical--if a bit flattering--that anyone would believe that a man of my age would still have any sexual impulses left. Because my friends, let me assure you... when it comes to little John McCain, he's been little John McCan't for some time now.


Bedtime for Bonzo McCain

My friends, we live in dangerous times. We must take care not to let our guard down lest we allow the terrorists to win. Just like Ronald Reagan held firm when caring for an unruly chimpanzee named Bonzo, I, as your Commander In Chief vow to accept the challenge and stare the great ape of terrorism in the eye. And trust me my friends, I won't be the first to blink.

The Democrats don't have the backbone to put Bonzo to bed. But I assure you, the American people, that when I am President, I will not rest until we get the monkey of terror off our backs and we put the issue to bed once and for all.


When I consider the prospect of another neglectful Democratically-led country, I think back to something the great Ronald Reagan once told me. He told me, "Johnny, whether you're babysitting a chimp or battling terrorists, you can be sure of one thing: If you turn your back for even one second, you are going to get feces thrown at you." So America, the choice is yours: do you want to get feces thrown at you? I didn't think so.