Taste the Rainbow

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Ronald Reagan: Paper Dolls in Full Color

Author/Illustrator: Tom Tierney

Anyone following the election knows that every Republican nominee had been desperately trying stake claim as the heir apparent to Ronald Reagan. Mitt Romney had the looks, but not the soul. Fred Thompson had the acting chops, but not the stamina. Mike Huckabee had the charm, but not the stature. (I'm not even going to bother with Giuliani and Ron Paul... the rest of the country isn't, why should I?)

Now, for all intents and purposes, there is one GOP candidate left standing: John McCain. And now, thanks to Tierney's book, McCain can actually put on Reagan's clothes and try to convince America that he is Reagan's true successor.

Though I don't see it happening. Reagan's greatest asset was his gift as an orator--he was such a great speaker that he fooled the country into thinking that a silly idea like Trickle-down economics made sense. As for McCain, his speeches sound about as convincing as a 4th grader reading the book report that his mom wrote for him.

But still, let's take a look at how McCain might conjure the spirit of Reagan to convince America that he is as paper-thin as the Gipper himself.

Straight Shootin' John McCain

I am the candidate that is not afraid to tell it like it is. I shoot straight from the hip. I drive the Straight Talk Express. And the straight truth is that despite my better judgment, I have no choice but to pander to my party's base in order to secure the Republican nomination.

If that means supporting the Bush tax cuts, so be it. If it means fudging my stance on torture, why not? If it means denouncing evolution, bring it on! In fact, if I did see a dinosaur, I would shoot it dead and serve it at my next fundraiser to prove just how straight I can shoot... at whatever it is the base wants me to take aim at.



Damage Control McCain

What, this picture? I've told you already that Ms. Iseman and I are merely acquaintances. I am saddened and frustrated by the obvious liberal media bias being perpetuated by the New York Times.

I also find it comical--if a bit flattering--that anyone would believe that a man of my age would still have any sexual impulses left. Because my friends, let me assure you... when it comes to little John McCain, he's been little John McCan't for some time now.


Bedtime for Bonzo McCain

My friends, we live in dangerous times. We must take care not to let our guard down lest we allow the terrorists to win. Just like Ronald Reagan held firm when caring for an unruly chimpanzee named Bonzo, I, as your Commander In Chief vow to accept the challenge and stare the great ape of terrorism in the eye. And trust me my friends, I won't be the first to blink.

The Democrats don't have the backbone to put Bonzo to bed. But I assure you, the American people, that when I am President, I will not rest until we get the monkey of terror off our backs and we put the issue to bed once and for all.


When I consider the prospect of another neglectful Democratically-led country, I think back to something the great Ronald Reagan once told me. He told me, "Johnny, whether you're babysitting a chimp or battling terrorists, you can be sure of one thing: If you turn your back for even one second, you are going to get feces thrown at you." So America, the choice is yours: do you want to get feces thrown at you? I didn't think so.

Ratatouille: DVD Special Features

Given the intensity of today's DVD Special Features, it's no surprise that we never get to them all. And to be honest, as enlightening as the Director's Commentary may be, most people rarely take the time to sit through it (if you're like me, you run out of steam after the deleted scenes and the outtakes/blooper reel).

However, since Ratatouille is one of my new favorites, as a special service, I've transcribed a portion of the Director's Commentary from the Limited Issue Collector's Edition of Ratatouille that I thought you'd find particularly enlightening. Enjoy!



Scene: Remy Cooks the Soup
Time: 00:23:32 - 00:34:46
Commentary by: Brad Bird (Director, Writer) and John Lasseter (Executive Producer)

Bird: This might be my favorite scene. It really epitomizes one of the driving forces behind the story, and that is the transcendent nature of art. How one can just get swept up in the divine process of creation, whether it be cooking, painting, or animating. Here Remy delays his escape, literally putting his life on the line, in order to satisfy his artistic impulse. It's really quite beautiful.

Lasseter: I couldn't agree more. As artists, we all know that risk is an essential component to all great art. Without risk, there is no reward.

Bird: And this project in and of itself was a huge risk. I mean, the idea of creating an entire movie around a rat in the kitchen... and cooking no less! You don't know how many people thought we were totally nuts. Though to be honest, we weren't exactly treading new ground here. Rodents have been at the heart of children's entertainment for generations.

Lasseter: And because of the Disney connection, people always assume that Remy was a descendent of Mickey Mouse...

Bird: Yeah, that's the first thing people always ask me. But, to be honest, while I was putting the script together, I didn't consider Mickey to be a good role model for the Remy character. For me, as great as Mickey was, he was always a creation… never the creator. He was the product of Walt Disney's imagination, but the character himself lacked imagination… I always found him to be kind of bland... the likeable straight man in a world of fantastically complex characters. To find a suitable ancestor for Remy, I had to draw upon a character who felt the same creative impulse. I found just the guy in another beloved rodent: Leo Lionni’s Frederick.



Lasseter: When Brad told me this, I nearly fell out of my chair, because Frederick was one of my childhood favorites. You all know the story, a band of mice prepares for the harsh winter, but one of them, Frederick, collects words and colors instead of food. At first, everyone thinks he's lazy, but as the cold months drag on and they run out of food, Frederick's artistic vision inspires them and allows them to survive for the duration of the winter. Inspiration and imagination warms the body and soul and the power of art triumphs over circumstance.

Bird: Right.... so as you can see, Remy and Frederick have a lot in common. They really are cut from the same cloth. They both start out as outcasts because of their artistic tendencies. They both want to elevate themselves from the mundane through their art. However, I was always a little bothered by Frederick because I kept thinking, couldn't he have collected words and colors while lending a hand? I mean, there had to be some kind of balance between indulging in your art and the basic necessity of gathering food. I couldn't shake the feeling that despite his triumph at the end, Frederick was still kind of a freeloader.

Lasseter: Brad, I never thought I'd say this, but you're starting to sound like a Republican.

Bird: Stop it. You know what I mean. Yes, art is important, but so is sustaining one's livelihood. I mean, dude, hadn't Frederick ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?!

Lasseter: You're digressing. Let's get back on track, or we'll have to cut this from the final DVD.

Bird: Right. So, in order to reconcile the basic need for food with the transcendent desire to create, I had the brilliant idea to make food his art! It was quite an elegant solution, if I do say so myself.

Lasseter: Plus, with the current pop culture obsession with the culinary arts, food made the movie very marketable. I mean just look at the popularity of the Food Network, Top Chef, Iron Chef, Swedish Chef, etc. This was an idea that came at the perfect time. But that's the producer in me talking.

Bird: Yeah, the producer in you also forced me to put in that ill-conceived romance between Linguini and Collete. That one still stings... I mean, who in their right mind would believe that the tough-as-nails Collete would ever fall in love with the hapless Linguini? Suspension of disbelief can only take the audience so far.

Lasseter: Yeah, yeah, I didn't hear you complaining when Ratatouille was sitting at the top of the box office and the checks were rolling in. I know the movie industry and I know our audience. People want some love sprinkled into every story... it's like hot sauce, a little bit sprinkled on anything makes it better. People like a little spice.

Bird: What about cereal? Do you put hot sauce on your cereal?! I didn't think so. Not everything needs to be "spiced" up. Anyway, back to my point, if you take Frederick and compare it to Ratatouille, you'll start to see more parallels. The scene where Remy helps his cousin Emile visualize taste pays homage to the scene where he Frederick helps his friends visualize the colors of spring. And instead of a harsh winter, I chose to embody the impending threat of death in the chilly and crypt-like character of the food critic, Anton Ego.

Lasseter: And as all of us in the entertainment business know, a critic's chilly reception is much deadlier than even the coldest winter.

Bird: Yeah, luckily, we haven't had to deal with much of that because we only make awesome movies.

Lasseter: Yeah, we rock. High Five!

[Bird and Lasseter "high five".]

Bird: And just like Frederick's art triumphs over winter, Remy's passion and talent melts the heart of Anton Ego and rescues the critic from his perpetual winter of discontent. And in both the book and the film, the skeptical peers find inspiration in the wake of their talented friend/son. Oh, and even the name Linguini is a tribute to the great children's author... I wonder if the audience caught that. Lin-gui-ni, Li-o-nni...

Lasseter: I didn't even catch that until now!

Bird: I know, cool isn't it? High five!

[Bird and Lasseter "high five" again.]

Bird: Ooo! Ooo! This next scene is great too! It's where Linguini and Remy first communicate down by the river. There are just so many layers of complexity embedded in their interaction. To really increase the tension, I incorporated aspects of Freud's Theories of Externalization as well as a Jungian Conception of Synchronicity...

Lasseter: Oh wait--did you hear that?

Bird: Hear what?

Lasseter: That sound... I think... I think it's the sound of our audience falling asleep.

Bird: Or maybe... it's the sound of me feeding you a knuckle sandwich!

Lasseter: Bring it on, Birdman!

Bird: You asked for it... one knuckle sandwich coming up! I hope you're hungry!

---end of transcript---

Rumble in the Jungle

Author: Giles Andreae
Illustrator: David Wojtowycz

I have to admit that I was somewhat disappointed when I read this book. Not for what the book is (a fun and colorful collection of jungle poetry), but for what the book is not. Because of the title, I was hoping that it was an illustrated account of THE Rumble in the Jungle, the epic 1974 boxing match between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman that took place in Zaire.

Alas, it was not to be. Which is a shame, because with his unique lyrical stylings and cocky sense of humor, Ali would be the perfect candidate to author a children's book. Unfortunately, since Ali hasn't picked up the pen, we'll have to settle for George Foreman's silly book: Let George Do It!



Author: George Foreman and Fran Manushkin
Illustrator: Whitney Martin

George Foreman has five sons and they are all named George. Not George Junior, George III, or even Curious George... just George. The story follows the crazy mishaps that result from the logistical nightmare of having an entire house of Georges. (Apparently, the original George was so blinded by his crippling megalomania that didn't foresee this being a problem.)

With this picture book, George Foreman's transformation is complete. If you remember him from his boxing days (or if you watch the documentary When We Were Kings), George Foreman was quite possibly the scariest man alive. His sheer size and grizzly scowl were enough to give me the willies even though 3 decades and a television screen separate me from his devastating ham-sized fists.

And now? He is the grinning goofball of George Foreman Grills and a children's book author. Talk about reinventing yourself. Ali may have won the fight on that balmy night in 1974, but give Foreman credit for picking himself up off the mat and infomercialing his way back into our hearts.


Conspiracy Theory Note: Have you ever noticed the eerie similarity between the design aesthetic of the George Foreman Grill...



...and Apple laptops?



Apple's departure from the standard small black laptop design to the refreshingly sleek look launched sales into the stratosphere as they became the hip choice for a generation that defines themselves by their computer use. It is now impossible to go into any coffeeshop or college campus without the ubiquitous glare of the glowing Apple logo. I had always assumed that the aesthetic similarity to the simple and clean design of the Foreman grill was just a coincidence... until I stumbled upon this:



The George Foreman iGrill

"The iGrill is an indoor/outdoor electric grill/roaster with a built-in dock to play your favorite grillin' tunes from your iPod or other MP3 player."







There is only one possible explanation for the release of this absurdity: Foreman was threatening to sue Apple CEO Steve Jobs for stealing his design and they agreed upon an out-of-court settlement. In exchange for dropping the lawsuit, Apple would outfit the Foreman grill for iPod compatibility... despite the fact that no one in their right minds would buy this ridiculous contraption. (Even Sharper Image, the Mecca of Craptastically Useless Gadgets, doesn't carry it.)

Now if they really wanted to make it a worthwhile product and take it to the next level, they could rig the iGrill so that the grease pan (a.k.a. reservoir of fat drippings) connects directly to some kind of biodiesel conversion devise so that you could charge your iPod using the discarded fat from your porkchops.

Now that, my friends, is a tangible step towards a better tomorrow. Who's going to fix the environment? Let George Do It!

Runaway Bunny

Author: Margaret Wise Brown
Illustrator: Clement Hurd

The classic heartwarming tale of a rambunctious young bunny looking to run away and see the world, only to have his mother reassure him that no matter where he goes, she will be there to get him because he will always be her "little bunny". In the end, the bunny concedes and decides not to go anywhere.

It'd be interesting to see if the mother is singing the same tune in 30 years when her "little bunny" is 32 years old and still living in the basement because he can't navigate the outside world without his mommy.

The Red Book

Author/Illustrator: Barbara Lehman

Interesting (if overrated) book. I don't want to spoil it for you, so I'll just say that, despite being a book with no words, The Red Book manages to give you the disconcerting feeling of being watched. Good book for unleashing the power of one's imagination to either instill a sense of wonder about the world... or to plant the seeds of paranoia.

(Note: Has no relation to Mao's Little Red Book... or does it?)