25 April 2008

Can Leo the Late Bloomer Guide the Celtics to the Championship?

The Sports Guy compares the Celtics young point guard Rajon Rondo to Leo the Late Bloomer.

An excerpt:

"Not only has Rajon Rondo's belated emergence been the most fascinating subplot of a storybook Celtics season, but he's just like the character in that book. Like Leo, Rondo never spoke. Like Leo's father, Celts fans spent an inordinate amount of time wondering when Rondo would "draw" (in this case, play with consistency) or "write" (in this case, bang home open jumpers). Leo had patient parents who believed in him; Rondo had veterans such as Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, role models who provided the confidence and toughness he desperately needed, eventually springing him from his on-court shell and altering the course of his career."

Read the full article here. Next week he uses Kevin Sherry's I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean! to put the New England Patriot's failed bid for an undefeated season into perspective.

21 April 2008

New Reality TV Show

From the producers that brought you Iron Chef America and Ace of Cakes, the Food Network is proud to present its newest mouth-watering hit:

Tune in to watch as these five contestants go head-to-head in a series of bizarre and morally challenging competitions. Can the children navigate these sugary obstacles without giving into temptation? Who will be the last one standing and who will take a one way trip down the chocolate river?

There's only one way to find out! Coming this Fall! Thursday nights at 9pm! It's so sweet, you'll have to wash it down with a glass of milk!

At stake for the Sweet Life contestants is their own Chocolate Factory, a private army of Oompa Loompas*, and the chance to live every child's dream.

Do not miss this groundbreaking show! Hosted by the incomparable Willy Wonka and featuring celebrity guest judges like Anthony Bourdain, the Jelly Bean Craving Ghost of Ronald Reagan, and Macy Gray, this first season promises to be Scrumdidilyumptious!

The Sweet Life is brought to you by Hershey's USA and the American Dental Association.

(*Note: The Army of Oompa Loompas is contingent upon ongoing negotiations with the United Candy Factory Workers of America. The Oompa Loompas are currently on strike and demanding fair wages and new haircuts. If the negotiations reach a stalemate, in lieu of an Oompa Loompa Army, the Sweet Life winner will receive their choice of a glass elevator or a boat that goes through a creepy bug tunnel.)

07 April 2008

So You Want To Be President: YouTube Edition

Author: Judith St. George
Illustrator: David Small

So you want to be president? Well, be prepared to be sent through the ringer, my young friend.

All presidential candidates must endure an unbelievable amount of scrutiny, but this year the long arm of the internet has really taken it up a notch. This election will undoubtedly go down in the history books as the YouTube election. From Obama Girl to McCain's 10,000 years to Clinton's Bosnia travails, YouTube exposure is playing a huge role in selecting our next president.

So the burning question is: How would past presidents have been affected by the all seeing eye of YouTube?

William Howard Taft
About This Video

His 1909 election was nearly cut short when the embarassing footage of Taft winning the 1897 Cleveland Deviled Egg Eating Contest hits the internets.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt
About This Video

FDR's presidency was severely challenged by this leaked footage of him playing Murderball. His poll numbers took a plunge, not because America realizes that their president is in a wheelchair, but because he only scored one point and fouled out midway through the second quarter.

Richard Nixon
About This Video

This clip of Nixon's star-making turn as Eliza Doolittle in the Whittier College Drama Club's production of My Fair Lady actually helped Nixon's popularity by revealing his seldom seen human side.

We'll keep searching the archives for more long lost YouTube gems, so stay tuned!

02 April 2008

"Stop Making Movies About My Books!"

Courtesy of The Onion, Dr. Seuss finally says what we've all been waiting to hear:

"Why it's simply an outrage—a crime, you must judge!—
To crap on my books with this big-budget sludge.
My books are for children to learn ones and twos in,
Not commercialous slop for Jim Carrey to ruin."

01 April 2008

The Times They Are A-Changin'

The American Heart Association just released a report saying that mouth-to-mouth is no longer necessary when performing CPR. They are hoping that this will make it easier for people to jump in and save someone's life... but what they failed to take into account was that they are doing irreperable damage to the lifeguarding industry. Not only have they have taken some of the shine off of the Baywatch franchise... but they have squashed the hopes and dreams of kids like the heroic Michael "Squints" Palledorous.

"What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low... and cool." But no longer possible. This is truly a sad day. Hopefully, it is just the American Heart Association's idea of a funny April Fool's Day joke... and tomorrow we can all go back to saving each other by making out.