Waiting for Winter

Author/Illustrator: Sebastian Meschenmoser

There's not much to be said about this beautiful book that isn't already covered by Elizabeth Bird (as is usually the case), so make sure to read her review. The story is a simple one about forest friends who put off hibernation to stay up and wait for their first snowfall. While waiting, they hypothesize about the nature of snow based on the limited information at their disposal. It's a cute story to be sure and it captures the essential wonder that can come with discovery of the world around us.

I would go into more detail, but the interplay between the illustrations and the pacing of the text is so pitch perfect, it'd be hard to do it justice without spoiling the book. I've only seen two books from him, but Meschenmoser is already one of my favorite illustrators, so if you haven't seen any of his stuff yet, get thee to a library/bookstore! (and check out 7-Imp's feature on him to see some more of his amazing artwork).

Something I will say about the book is that it does a great job of allowing the child to play the role of, for lack of a better phrase, the arbiter of reason. As the furry friends throw out one misguided theory after another, the young reader is pushed from amusement into bemusement, which is a more complex form of humor. They'll be able to shake their heads and, with a wry smile, think something along the lines of "Silly animals, one day they'll realize how wrong they were... when they're older and wiser like me."

This is a rare space for a child to occupy because for the majority of their day they are the inexperienced ones fumbling to make sense of the world. It's a subtle form of role playing which is key for socioemotional development. (Just watch a kid parenting a doll or playing house and you'll see that pretending to be an adult is more than just putting on oversized clothes, they're trying on oversized emotions and roles that preview and help prepare them for the world that awaits.) Waiting for Winter gives the child this kind of temporary "promotion" in the hierarchy of reason... which is quite an achievement for a picture book that is also darned funny.


And speaking of winter, DC is about to get hit by another record snow today. Woohoo!

Note: An always welcome shoutout from the illustrious Fuse #8 at the School Library Journal:

If I have any objection to lodge against Minh of the blog Bottom Shelf Books it is that he appears to have a life of some sort. How else to explain why he chooses to post only once in a while about the picture book genre. Had I my way he would have a miserable existence where only constant blog postings provided him enough comfort and relief to get through a day. Then I could get daily posts out of the man. Ha ha! Instead, I will have to content myself with pieces like this truly lovely take on Sebastian Meschenmoser's Waiting for Winter. I reviewed it myself last year after finding it to be just the greatest little book in creation. Even if you don't believe either of us, believe The New York Times. Minh makes some excellent points about it that completely escaped my notice.

Taste the Rainbow

A little treat for all you Rainbow Fish haters out there:



Rainbow Fish Roll
Try the most beautiful tasting fish on the menu. We've removed the famous scales, but the taste is as unique and vibrant as ever...$10.99

One more for good luck

From the Unnecessary Sequels cutting room floor, here is another honorable mention for your viewing pleasure. I was playing around with this idea while the judges were deliberating, but didn't actually finish it... thought you all might get a kick out of it anyway. This one is also courtesy of the unstoppable Kate Coombs:

The Very Bulimic Caterpillar: Caterpillars aren't supposed to be fat because fatness is unattractive, also it's unhealthy. One little caterpillar learns an important lesson in this colorful picture book about what to do if you feel waaaay too full!

The Story of the Little Mole Who Went In Search of Whodunnit

Authors: Werner Holzarth and Wolf Ehrlbruch

The children's book industry has always niche for books dealing with bodily functions, but if you want some mystery and intrigue mixed in with your scatalogical humor, Holzarth and Ehrlbruch have the book for you.

The story is simple: a mole emerges from his slumber and gets shat on (talk about a case of the mondays). The indignant mole goes on an (understandably) indignant rampage interrogating every being he comes across in an attempt to find the culprit. The entire time, he still has the poop on his head, which makes him look kind of like a character from Grease.

During each interrogation, he asks if the poops belongs to them and each character proves their innocence by (enthusiastically) providing proof by showing their own (much different looking) poop as evidence. And believe you me, the evidence is overwhelming. Not even the crew from CSI could find fault with these steaming samples of innocence.

(Note: The book was rereleased as The Story of the Little Mole Who Knew It Was None of His Business: The Plop Up Edition! that allows the children to join in on the fun... one can only hope that the book stirs your child's respect for scientific inquiry and does not result in a general fondness for playing with poop.)

This story teaches a lesson that is particularly valuable during these harsh times. It seems like every morning we wake up to some new piece of crappy news. The mole provides us with new model of heroism by teaching us not to take this shit sitting down. When the world gives you crap, you find out whodunnit and demand retribution.

Spolier Alert: In an unexpected plot twist, it turns out that the culprit was... Bob Dylan. The Malibu Police Department has joined the Mole in his quest for justice.

Musical Note: I think I might have just found the perfect soundtrack for The Story of the Little Mole Who Knew It Was None of His Business: The Movie. (In High Definition 3D of course.)

So take a second to imagine... the mole wakes up, gets shat on and takes off to the tune of Mississippi John Hurt singing "Nobody's Dirty Business". Can you say Instant Classic?

Petunia: A Cautionary Tale for the Modern Jackass

Author/Illustrator: Roger Duvoisin

Modern Jackass (n.): a person that talks expertly about something he/she actually knows very little or nothing about.

Modern Jackass is a term that was recently made popular by nasally heartthrob and king of geeks, Ira Glass. It gained traction with a This American Life episode dedicated to the modern condition of speaking at length and with confidence on topics that you are not qualified talk about, let alone pontificate on.

(Disclosure: I didn't listen to that particular show, so my talking about the show without actually listening to it is in itself an example of Modern Jackass-ism. Does that blow your mind?)

This phenomenon seems somewhat unavoidable in today's society due to two pervasive issues:

1) The overwhelming availability of information and the constant barrage of stimulus has rendered the modern mind virtually paralyzed by Attention Deficit Disorder. (Seriously, there are times when I can barely read a paragraph without a commercial break.) As a society populated by minds that flutter and flit about like hummingbirds on crack, it's a minor miracle that any of us know anything.

2) Information flows so quickly and the news cycle spins at such a furious pace that it takes an obsessive nature of almost maniacal proportions just to keep up with the ever shifting nuances of any issue. This was most obvious during the presidential campaign, when breaking news in the morning was already yesterday's news by lunchtime (which was bad for the real yesterday's news which had already become ancient history). Given the speed at which we operate nowadays, you get the feeling that just blinking means you've fallen behind... and possibly into jackass territory.

While these conditions make Modern Jackass-ism seem like a new phenomenon, we all know that talking out of line has been around since the beginning of time. It was captured perfectly by Roger Duvoisin in seminal work on the matter: Petunia.

First published in 1950 (well before Ira Glass was born and waaaay before he ever donned his first pair of hipster-intellectual glasses), Petunia is the story of a silly goose who gets her wings on a book and thinks that automatically makes her wise. The other barnyard animals, seeing her walk around with her proud head held high in the air and a book in her arms, also think that she must be wise... so they ask her for advice. Petunia gladly gives her ill-advice, and eventually Petunia's pride and false wisdom ends up blowing up in all their faces (quite literally).

As this classic children's book shows, speaking out when you don't know what you're talking about is nothing particularly new. Whether you call it Modern Jackass or the Petunia Syndrome, at the end of the day we're all just a bunch of old-fashioned dumbasses.

No! That's Wrong!

Authors/Illustrators: Zhaohua Ji and Cui Xu

No! That's Wrong! is a lot of silly fun with wonderful illustrations... and a brilliant underlying message about the steady democratization of information.

Plot summary: A passing wind lifts a pair of underwear off a clothesline and sends them flying onto the head of a rabbit. The rabbit immediately thinks that this is a hat and goes off to share the fancy new accessory with his friends. The rabbit's friends all agree that it is a fabulous hat, but an invisible chorus keeps calling in from the borders of each page to correct the wayward bunny. (No! That's Wrong!) A vagabond donkey even comes up to correct the rabbit by showing him a men's underwear catalogue. The rabbit tries to conform to conventional wisdom, but in the end decides to rebel against the chorus and wear it as a hat... if he says it's a hat, then by golly, it's a hat! And a fabulous one at that!

The passing wind that serendipitously lifted that pair of underpants? That wasn't just some randomly mischievous breeze... those were the winds of change.

It is clear that Rabbit represents the current information revolution that is drastically altering the way in which we view the world. We live in a world where we no longer need to be confined by the definitions that are handed down to us from on high.

Look around you and you'll see the signs all over the place. The mainstream news media is being undermined by bloggers. CNN runs regular segments about the latest video on YouTube. The encyclopedia is being supplanted by Wikipedia. We no longer collect information, we create it.

All of which are signs that we no longer need to rely on the establishment for our information and that we are looking at the eventual demise of the traditional concept of authority. Case in point: The character of the donkey is an especially targeted attack on the waning reputation and crumbling prestige of Academia.












The donkey (or jackass) appears in thrift store suit like so many disheveled college professors in their ratty corduroy jackets. The donkey attempts to assert his authority on the matter of the underpants, but ultimately it is in vain. Academia, which for so long had the power of authority and an almost monopolistic claim over knowledge is slowly losing it's edge. The ivory tower has lost some of its sheen.

(Question: Is the fact that the donkey pulls out a men's underwear catalogue meant to represent the conservative accusation of the uber-liberalization of the academic elite and its alleged disregard for "traditional" family values?)

By refusing to kowtow to the naysayers of the establishment and tearing down the borders of the page, Rabbit is releasing himself and his compatriots from the arbitrary confines placed upon them by the power elite. As noted linguist Noam Chomsky wrote:

"Unfortunately, the act of 'definition' is the most widely accepted form of oppression in the world today. By assigning arbitrary 'meaning' to arbitrary words, restrictions are being placed on the very way in which we are allowed to think. Limiting our ability to think limits the ability to communicate, which in turn limits the ability to act as a group, which ultimately limits our ability revolt. It is precisely these types of deviously subliminal mechanisms that undergird all modes of oppression. Now, this is not to say that Merriam and Webster are the worst tyrants of our time, but they may just be the most effective." (Language and Mind, p. 137)

However, this form of oppression has been slowly eroding over time. Jumpstarted by the advent of the printing press and continuing through with the rise of the internet, the spread of information has exponentially gained in speed and in breadth. Information is now so readily available that the classic vestiges of authority have lost their stranglehold on knowledge and meaning--the consolidation of information is a relic of the past. The world is no longer exclusively defined top down, now it is being defined bottom up as well. And when bottoms are up, the only sensible thing to do is to wear underpants on your head.





Viva La Revolución!
















Surprising Underpants on the Head News Update: Just when you thought Washington couldn't get any more ridiculous... during a Congressional hearing on possible violations of the Geneva Conventions regarding torture, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) hones in on the phrase "panties on someone's head" in an attempt to undermine the Inspector General's argument. Unfortunately, by distorting and making light of the situation, he only succeeds in demeaning himself and his office.

Though he's certainly not the first and he certainly won't be the last.

Doctor De Soto

Author/Illustrator: William Steig

Few know this, but Doctor De Soto was inspired by a speech given by Doctor Franklin De Soto, considered to be one of the earliest pioneers in the field of Dental Medicine. (Interesting fact: D.D.S. = Dr. De Soto.)

In his commencement speech to the West Virginia School of Dentistry Class of 1927, Dr. De Soto described, in surprisingly candid detail, the pains of devoting one's life to dentistry. Here is an excerpt:

"All of you have given years of your lives studying the field of dentistry. What was it that drove you? It definitely wasn't the lifetime of halitosis and plaque-caked mouths that inspired you to complete this grueling degree. So why did you do it? For the same reason I entered the field: the simple desire to help your fellow man. You were born with the impulse to alleviate the sharp pains of daily life and to soothe the dull and persistent hurt that plagues your neighbor. But I'm here to warn you: your idealism will not be rewarded.

This is what you will receive for your trouble: You will be the nightmare of the young children who come screaming into your office as if you were the devil himself. You will be subjected to an endless parade of adults who brazenly lie to your face... yeah, you "try to floss everyday", my ass. You will devote years to straightening the teeth of spoiled adolescents who will use their flawless smile to convince some poor soul to marry them--and you won't even get an invitation to their wedding.

So I'm warning you now: Dentistry is a thankless profession. For those of you considering a career in dentistry, do not for one minute expect accolades or even simple gratitude for your efforts. No amount of free toothbrushes or sugarfree lollipops will sway the fickle souls of your patients. Your clientele is like an ungrateful and unholy wolf, just waiting to take a bite out of your youthful idealism. That being said, I encourage you to proceed because yours is still a noble profession. But if you do choose to travel down this thorny path, do so with eyes wide open, or else you will be consumed by the very people you are trying to help. If my years of dentistry have taught me one thing, it is this: An open mouth is just a bite waiting to happen. With that, I congratulate you, Class of 1927. Best of luck. You're going to need it."

Rumor has it that a young William Steig was an undergraduate student who took Dr. De Soto's words to heart and decided to change his course of study from dentistry and pursue a life as an artist. Yet, as his book shows, he never lost his respect for the dental profession or the mousy old curmudgeon who took the time to tell him the truth.

On the Campaign Trail: Duck for President

Against all odds, Duck is continuing his historic bid for the presidency of the United States. Lately, in order to keep himself in the public eye, he has been making the talk show rounds. Here are some soundbites from his interview with Larry King:

On Senator Obama: "I agree with the Senator when he says that it's time to get beyond politics as usual. The difference is that I am willing to take it a step further. I think it's high time we entered into an era of politics as unusual. And what would be more unusual than having a humble barnyard duck your Commander in Chief?"

On His Temper: "I know that there is a video floating around on YouTube that has caused quite a stir. I admit that in my past I have had some anger management issues... but trust me, they are nothing compared to John McCain's legendary outbursts. Plus, that cougar had it coming."

On President Bush: "He is the definition of a lame duck president--I think America is ready for a change. I think America is ready to have an awesome Duck in the White House."


For more information, visit www.duckforamerica.com.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

Author: Bill Martin Jr.
Illustrator: Eric Carle

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Well, if you take the time to look out your window, you may notice that spring has come unusually early this year. In fact, scientists have been tracking this phenomenon and have found that spring has indeed been creeping up on us earlier and earlier every year. Experts all over the world are trying to figure out what the environmental implications of this disturbing trend.

But we here at the Bottom Shelf already know the greatest threat of global warming:Grumpy Bears.

This is especially bad because we, as a society, have grown complacent. We have been lulled into a false sense of security by the friendly characters we see on TV... like that lovable thief Yogi and the disarmingly maternal Baloo. We have grown accustomed to seeing these mammoth beasts as nature's gentle giants. But this will quickly change as winters grow shorter and shorter every year. As nature encroaches on valuable hibernation time, we may find that these gentle giants are not so gentle anymore.

We all know that nothing puts you in a worse mood than waking up before you're ready (especially on Monday mornings). Now imagine that you are forced to wake up about a month early. And that you are 800 pounds with razor sharp claws.

Now imagine EVERY bear in the world waking up in a bad mood. Do you see where we're headed here? We feeble humans are no match for pandemic bear rage.


A Bleak Vision of Tomorrow: Yes, the children are still the future... but is that future in danger of being consumed by grumpy bears?






It may already be too late. This could be the spring when the bear nation wakes up on the wrong side of the cave and overwhelms the world with a deadly case of the Mondays.

Indeed, the first sign of the apocalypse may have come earlier this week with the whole Bear Stearns debacle. While the Fed managed to temporarily avoid crisis by bailing out the troublesome Bears, we simply do not have the capacity to buy out every Stern Bear that comes out of the woodwork.

And if this clip is any indication, all the money in the world won't make a difference. We don't stand a chance.

BSB Flashback: Stick

This flashback is in honor of the recently discovered Beezlebufo or Devil Toad, a prehistoric frog the size of a bowling ball which (according to Scientific American) may have eaten baby dinosaurs.

Note: Word on Capitol Hill is that Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) will be calling in the Beelzebufo to testify on possible use of human growth hormone... which is only slightly more ridiculous than Congress wasting taxpayer time and money on Roger Clemens and cheating in the NFL.




27 June 2007

Author/Illustrator: Steve Breen

This is the first picture book for Breen, the Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist. With the story of Stick, a headstrong young frog who likes to do things on his own, Breen displays an impressive sense of humor and comic timing. One day, when Stick shoots his tongue out to catch a dragonfly, he gets carried away (literally) and embarks on a wild airborne adventure. Through a series of surprising developments, Stick excitedly explores the wild world... but will he ever make it back home?

Stick is merely the latest in a long and celebrated line of frog explorers. Indeed, nature's first true explorers were the frog's distant ancesters, those intrepid souls who first ventured out of the primordial ooze: the early amphibians. Frogs are direct descendants of those brave few who left the comforts of their homes to explore the unknown lands above the surface of the water. It's almost as if wanderlust is genetically encoded in frog DNA.

Young Stick also owes much to the most persistent explorer in frog history... an adventurer whose exploits are so well-known that he is known simply as: Frogger. Before Frogger, the frog population had to be content with life around the dank world of the pond. But Frogger yearned for more, he want to stretch the boundaries of his world and boldly go where no frog had gone before.

While people still wonder why the chicken crossed the road, no one questions the Frogger's motives. Frogger did not set out to conquer the world, he set out to conquer himself. Despite frequent setbacks and increasingly dangerous traffic, he refused to quit until he crossed every street that he came across. His indomitable spirit would not be denied... he would either succeed or get flattened in the process.



Left: An 18th Century Tapestry depicting The Wondrous Adventures of Frogger: Explorer Extraordinaire.





Other notable amphibious explorers:


Mr. Toad: Not content with life at Toad Hall, our hero follows Dante's lead and explores the depths of Hell. This harrowing journey is well documented in his memoirs: Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.



Kermit: Perhaps the most famous frog in history, Kermit was the ultimate explorer, blazing trails and opening doors at a prolific clip. He first burst onto the scene as the first frog in space ("One small hop for frogs, one giant leap for frogkind.").

Returning to a hero's welcome, Kermit leveraged his newfound fame into a legendary career in film and television. After conquering the entertainment world and winning every award possible, Kermit begins to feel that familiar itch to touch the void of the unknown... it was not in his nature to be content. So he set out to explore what he believed to be the frog's final frontier: Politics.

Stealing a page from the GOP playbook (which turned the celebrity of Reagan, Schwarzenegger, and possibly Fred Thompson into political gold), the Green Party convinces Kermit to make a run for the presidency. Kermit immediately accepts the challenge. In the first in a series of shrewd moves, Kermit selects his longtime advisor Fozzy Bear to be his running mate (Fozzy's down-to-earth charm and folksy humor polls extremely well down South).

Despite a spirited campaign, Kermit's bid for the highest office in the land eventually falls short (though, being a third party candidate in America, they never really stood much of a chance anyways). While he may have lost the election, Kermit once again wins our hearts when he ends his concession speech with a tearful rendition of "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Who knows, perhaps young Stick will go down in history as the next great frog explorer. But if so, it should be noted that he did not do it alone... he was standing on the shoulders of giants.

Yes We Can!

Author: Sam McBratney
Illustrator: Charles Fuge

The cover of this book really does a good job of capturing the momentum that is building behind the Obama campaign. Here you see animals enthusiastically jumping in the air, which is appropriate because this election has drawn more interest and enthusiasm than any election in recent memory.

But note that the animals are not your standard elephant and donkey. No, here you have a kangaroo, a mouse, and a duck. In their diversity, they represent the vanguard of the movement towards a post-partisan political climate. We are more than just democrats and republicans, blue states and red states... I mean, a blue kangaroo? That's just silly.

Look a little closer and you will notice the leaves falling from the sky, indicating that we are indeed in a season of change, which has been one of the prime buzzwords of this election season. It is no wonder that Obama chose this book to be the foundation of his campaign message: Yes We Can.

Here is the Obama Yes We Can speech in New Hampshire, the one used for the will.i.am video. While the video is cool, I prefer the speech without the celebrities because, call me square, but I'd rather not have my vote swayed by the lead singer of the Pussy Cat Dolls.

Chicks and Salsa

Author: Neil Numberman
Illustrator: Paulette Bogan

This is a silly story about chickens who are bored of eating the normal barnyard fare and look to spice things up a little bit. Coincidentally, this is also the name of the survival manual for graduating fraternity brothers titled Chicks and Salsa: How to Score with the Ladies in the Big City.

As you'll see in the following excerpt, there are some surprising similarities between the two books.

(Disclaimer: the views expressed in the excerpt below do not necessarily reflect those of the Bottom Shelf.)

RULE #1: LEARN TO SALSA


by Brother Shoehorn (Sigma Alpha Pi) and Brother Moosedroppings (Omega Delta Delta)






Trust us bro. We know you're gonna to feel silly swinging your hips around the dance floor. We know you'd rather be bangin' your backwards baseball cap to some Dave Matthews or the Beastie Boys (who f****in rule!). But trust us dude, it will be well worth your time.

Once you find yourself in the city and away from the comfort of your boys on frat row, you will inevitably find yourself in a club with latin music of some sort. There you will see all kind of bizarre things. You'll see the oldest man there dancing with the blazinest chick in the club. Or worse, some four-eyed doofus pulling a Kucinich* and sashaying across the floor with some hottie. You will ask yourself, "What the?! What is going on here? Have I entered some kind of twilight zone where generic good looks, trust funds, and chugging ability mean nothing anymore?!"



*Pulling a Kucinich: Being with someone who is obviously waaaaaaaaay out of your league.







Don't panic. No need to get your Dockers in a bunch. What's happening is what we like to call the Chicks and Salsa Phenomenon. (Inside Tip: Now that you're in the real world, don't call them chicks. You have to call them "ladies" if you want to get anywhere)... anyways, the problem is that these ladies are in the city and they want to spice up their lives a little bit. Which means that they'll dance with any goof who knows how to salsa. They're tired of the tried and true bars where we are most comfortable. Those home-away-from-homes where we can do boat races or clear off a table for an impromptu game of beer pong. Those bars where we can comfortably stand in one place rhythmically nodding our heads to some righteous tunes.

So, if you know what's good for you... wait, hold on a sec, what are you doing still reading? Reading is for losers! Take our word for it and go sign up for a salsa class now! It will make you a man amongst bros. You can be that dude that's dancing with a chick--i mean, lady--who is out of your league. And don't worry, the salsa only needs to be used for the first month of dating or so, then you can go back to being your awesome fratastic self. Now close this book and get back out there! With any luck, even you can pull a Kucinich of your own!

Hippo! No, Rhino!

The Construction of Meaning and the Self De(con)struction of Identity: A Hippo-Critical Analysis of Jeff Newman's Hippo! No, Rhino!
Rosco P. Hargrove (Class of 2010)
English 421: Re-Introduction to Literary Criticism
Professor F. R. Zismer
Final Paper
Submitted on: December 22, 2007

Plot Summary

A mischievous zookeeper decides to have some fun and puts a sign that reads "Hippo" in front of the Rhino pen. This seemingly harmless bit of mischief wreaks havoc on the rhino's psyche as passersby continually refer to the rhino as "hippo". The rhino desperately tries to correct them, but to no avail. It isn't until a little boy comes along that things change. The child sees what's going on and changes the sign back to rhino. The book ends with the zookeeper continuing his mischievous ways by putting up a new sign that reads, "Porcupin-o".

Part I: Hippo! No, Rhino! Structuralism! No, Poststructuralism!

Newman's sparse use of language is deceptive. While he uses few words in his narrative, he manages to reveal deeper linguistic issues by drawing together some of the fundamental issues and conflicts in literary criticism.

As a starting point, the basic conflict in Hippo! No, Rhino! is clearly a re-creation of the tension between the structuralist and post-structuralist schools of thought. Newman's Hippo! No, Rhino! situation is an intriguing thought exercise which forces us to reconsider a fundamental question: Where does meaning come from?

Is it from the zookeeper (filling the archetypal role of trickster-god) who creates meaning by labeling the rhino as "hippo"? Or is his semantic subversion just a silly prank?

Is it the people reading the sign who give birth to meaning by creating the link between the sign ("hippo") to the signified (the rhino)? Or are they merely dimwitted automatons who will believe anything they read?

Is there even any meaning to begin with? Who are we (or the rhino) to say that "rhino" is the correct label? Isn't the polyphonic spree of letters and sounds that make up r-h-i-n-o ultimately as arbitrary as h-i-p-p-o?

Part II: Pedagogy of the Zoopressed

If we continue to peel away layers of this onion, we eventually find ourselves alone with the tear-jerkingly tragic figure of the "rhino".

(Note: Though it is awkward, I will refer to the rhino using the pronoun "it" because Newman's text does not indicate whether the rhino is male or female.)

(Full disclosure: Upon first reading, I subconsciously assumed that the rhino was a male, which tipped my hand as an unwitting co-conspirator in the phallocentricity embedded in our male-dominated society. I would like to assure you, professor, that based on last semester's readings on feminist theory and gynocritic analysis, I am sufficiently ashamed.)

Why is the rhino a tragic figure? Not only because it is helplessly tormented by the powerful zookeeper... that is but a minor offense. The true tragedy reveals itself with further examination of the sociolinguistic context of the rhino's self-identification.

The word "rhino," being of English (Anglo-Saxon) origin is obviously not the rhino's native tongue. Yet the rhino has come to identify itself as a "rhino," as evidenced by the psychological distress caused by the hippo sign. This self-identification through the language of his oppressor (and yes, he is oppressed... he is, after all, held captive and put on display) is one of major symptoms of oppression that is revealed by postcolonial theory.

The fact that the rhino clings so passionately and desperately to the name bestowed upon him by his captors, demonstrates the powerful role that language plays in perpetuating the inequalities of established social hierarchy. Not only does he accept his given name, he challenges anyone who dare disrupt the sanctity of his moniker. How can the rhino truly free itself from oppression if it lives, breathes, and thinks in the language of its oppressor?

This also sheds new light on the character of the child. As I mentioned in the plot summary, toward the end of the book a young child comes to the rescue, changing the hippo sign back to rhino.

Upon first reading, the child appears as a saviour figure who sympathetically changes the sign to ease the "rhino's" mind. The child's innocence allows him to see beyond the ridiculous sign and recognize the psychological harm being done to the rhino. And yet...

...and yet, perhaps it is not that simple. By reverting the sign (the linguistic tool of oppression), isn't the child merely reinforcing the domination of the status quo and strengthening the establishment's vice-like grip on society? The child may have acted to ease the rhino's mind but (despite the child's benelovent intentions), in actuality he played an active role in relegating the beast to an eternity of tranquil captivity. He did not rescue the rhino, he merely made his cage stronger.

Part III: Freedom Isn't Free or All Signs Point to "No"

Newman's stimulating text leaves the reader (at least this reader) with a final burning question... Who holds the key to the rhino's freedom?

The optimist's answer would be that the key to freedom lies with the rhino itself. Unfortunately, to quote Karl Marx, "Religion is the opium of the masses and optimism is the ecstasy tablet of the self-delusional." So no, the rhino does not hold the key to his own freedom.

The real answer is much simpler and much more sobering. The key to freedom lies with: the zookeeper. (Seriously, it's on the big key ring that's clipped to his belt buckle.)

This does not bode well for the rhino. At the end of the book, the zookeeper puts up a new sign next to the rhino that reads, "Porcupin-o". In doing so, this sadistic trickster god is assuring us that the rhino's nightmare is not over... and that no amount of lit crit is going to save him from an eternity in this semiotic purgatory. The helpless rhino (like the rest of us) is forever caught in that desolate place between meaning and just plain mean.

Have You Seen My Cat?

Author/Illustrator: Eric Carle

A young boy loses his cat and travels the wide world to find it. Poor kid. If any of you have lost a pet, you know the kind of pain this little boy is going through... no fun at all.

Luckily, scientists in South Korea have been hard at work on this problem and last week, they finally made a breakthrough with... GLOW IN THE DARK KITTIES!!!



On Tuesday, a team of scientists from Gyeongsang National University announced that they successfully cloned cats that glow in the dark when passed under ultraviolet light. They caution that this does not completely solve the problem of missing pets, but the advance is significant and monumental.... significantly creepy and monumentally disturbing.

So, have I seen your cat?

Yes I have... and it is scaring the crap out of me.

Live From The Bottom Shelf: The Punk Farm Nation

Punkfarmspace: How Social Networking is Transforming Fandom
by Cluck Roosterman

On Monday I wrote about how Punk Farm is quietly undermining the oppressive foundation of the corporate music industry. And while it is true that the creative force of the band is the engine that drives this movement, the deeper reality is that without their fans, Punk Farm would be stuck in neutral. Any great movement needs a critical mass of support in order to gain the necessary momentum towards lasting social change.

So, does Punk Farm must have a critical mass of fans?

You have no idea.

As I followed the band on the road, I was struck by the hysteria that greeted us at each site. As a rock historian, I haven't seen a group of fans identify this closely with a band since the Phishheads of the early 90s... and before that, the Deadheads who followed the Grateful Dead to concerts all over the world. I couldn't wrap my chicken little head around this... how did a small underground farm band gain such a loyal and downright obsessive fanbase? How did the Punk Farm Nation come into being, let alone reach such a feverish pitch?

The answer was simple: Social Networking.

We are in the Age of MySpace and Facebook, an age where an army of similarly-minded people are but a few clicks away. Whereas before it could take years for an upstart band to gain any sort of traction, today you are just a cool website or a hipster doofus music video away from superstardom. People can debate the positives and the negatives of this evolution of human interaction, but there is no debating this: Social Networking is a force to be reckoned with.

The Punk Farm Nation started out with a few loyal fans but spread like wildfire with the launching of Punkfarmspace, an on-line community where fans could convene to discuss their favorite thing: Punk Farm.

This has had a revolutionary effect on the very nature of fandom. No longer are fans just anonymous faces in a crowd of adoring and screaming Beatlemaniacs. Through the power of these social networks, fans are not just just observers, they now have the power to shape the destiny of their favorite band by engaging in what is being dubbed "participatory fanhood."

But that's enough from me. I could go on for days, but rather than listen to me describe the Punk Farm Nation, I decided to do what any intrepid reporter would do and go straight to the source. So while Punk Farm was rockin' out stage, I waded through the crowds and interviewed some of the citizens of the growing Punk Farm Nation. Here's a taste of what I found.



Fan 1: Isaiah (Colorado)

CR: As a Punk Farm uber-fan, do you ever worry that your adoration will undermine the punk rock spirit of the band? Is popularity at odds with punk rock?



Isaiah: N'aaaah. I wouldn't say. It's more of a movement than anything. As long as the dudes and dudettes of PF don't let all that love go to their heads, they'll be fine. They've been rocking the underground scene for so long now, if a little success goes their way, that's cool. As long as they keep true to their spirit and they continue to share that spirit with others, it's all good.


Fan 2: Shep (Wisconsin)

CR: Describe the experience of hearing Punk Farm for the first time. What is it about Punk Farm that appeals to you?






Shep: Oh man, oh man - I was there! I was there at one of their very first shows in Wisconsin. It blew my mind, shattered my sense of reality. I've seen every Punk Farm show since. And what appeals to me... What doesn't? The drumming, the bass....all the chicken feed you can eat!


Fan 3: Jesi (Texas)

CR: Has listening to Punk Farm had any effect on your relationship with your farmer?





Jesi: OMG - I like totally snuck out of the barn with my BFF to see the show when they were in town. The farmer caught us when we were trying to sneak back in and he made us do all this extra work. So yeah, it put a strain on us and now he has trust issues, but like - it's Punk Farm. I saw them live! I touched Pig, I took a picture with him! That's stuff I'll be telling my grandkids!

(Note: In this author's opinion, Jesi is definitely the frontrunner to win Pig's portrait in the Punk Farm Raffle. She's got #1 Pig Fan written all over her... literally. Seriously, I think she took a magic marker and wrote "#1 Pig Fan" all over her arms and hooves.)


Fan 4: Jerome (Maine)

CR: Is Punk Farm better recorded or live?





Jerome: Oh man, it's no comparison. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love PF's tracks and the sound that they are able to achieve in the studio, it's like putting a genie in a bottle, but you just can't fully replicate the experience in a recording. Seeing PF live is so wicked cool and I highly suggest it to any animal who may be reading this right now. You get to get your groove on with like minded individuals and just soak in the rock!


Fan 5: Tammy (Florida)

CR: If you could choose another band/artist for Punk Farm to collaborate with, which band/artist would that be?




Tammy: I listen to a lot of obscure bands, some stuff from overseas, so I'd love to see PF take a route less taken. What about Puffy Amiyumi? That would becool. Though they wouldn't understand each other. Or maybe the Groovie Ghoulies? I don't know. I just think it would be cool to see a collaboration no one would expect!

...and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Go to Punkfarmspace and you'll see that the Punk Farm Nation extends far beyond the fences of any barnyard, far beyond any artificial boundaries... in fact, if I've learned anything on this long strange trip, it's this: Once the rock gets rolling, it cannot be stopped.

-CR

Cluck Roosterman is a renowned rock critic and best-selling author os Sex, Drugs, & Chicken Feed and Last One is a Rotten Egg: The Merciful Death of Glamrock. His newest book, Dark Meat Only: The Resurgence of Goth Culture will be released in the Spring.

Live From the Bottom Shelf: On the Road With Punk Farm

Is Punk Farm the World's Most Dangerous Band?
by Cluck Roosterman



Cluck Roosterman here, reporting from the road with Punk Farm. I'm crammed into the back of the Rock Van, pecking away at my laptop. It's been a long strange trip. We started in Maine, zipped down I-91 to Miami, journeyed west to Texas and then finished the tour in Colorado. It's been a whirlwind to say the least. I don't want to go into detail, so I'll just say one thing about Sheep's driving: I'm glad I brought a large supply of Dramamine.

But I'm not here to tell you about life on the road. That was well chronicled in Punk Farm on Tour. My job as a reporter is to dig deeper and offer the broader cultural analysis that you don't hear at the water cooler or slop trough. So what don't you know about Punk Farm? How about this:

Punk Farm is the most dangerous band in the world.

This is not just overzealous reporter's hyperbole. It is a fact. Punk Farm strikes fear in the hearts of record executives everywhere. If you listen closely, you can hear them shaking in their designer Italian boots. Here's why.

A few months ago, the powerhouse band Radiohead made headlines by releasing their album, In Rainbows directly through their website, effectively cutting out all middle men (and/or middle women). They offered it essentially for free, allowing their fans to decide how much they wanted to pay (if at all). The gamble paid off and the band made a tidy profit off this revolutionary brand of optional capitalism. The press hailed it as a breakthrough in the struggle between artists and the exploitative music industry. The times, they are a'changin'.

However, Radiohead was not the first band to strike a blow against the corporate fat cats. Punk Farm had been releasing their music for free on their website for over a year now. Well before Radiohead shocked the mainstream media, Punk Farm rattled the nerves of record executives across the nation. It was such a shock to the music industry that legendary record mogul David Geffen released a cryptic memo in 2006 which simply read "Punk Farm must be stopped."

Last week I called up my good friend Naomi Klein, author of the anti-corporate No Logo and the anti-evil The Shock Doctrine. She told me that she considered Punk Farm to be "the first truly anti-corporate band in the world. Most bands claim to be revolutionary, but they are really just amped-up collections of false bravado and simplistically inflammatory lyrics. Every band at heart is slave to their sales numbers. By releasing their music for free, Punk Farm broke free from those shackles and haven't looked back. Without the burden of financial compensation, they are free to create art in its purest form. Because they are not beholden to 'the man' is why they are the only band that can truly 'stick it to the man'. 'The Man' in this case being the corporate music industry... and Farmer Joe."

I was intrigued by this, so on our way from Colorado back to the farm (a trip made in record time... again, a big shout out to the makers of Dramamine), I took a minute to ask the band about their status as the most dangerous band in the world.



CR: Whose idea was it to release your music for free?

SHEEP: It was pretty much a mutual decision. I mean, we didn't really have any contacts at any record labels and we were picking up a decent Wi-Fi signal from one of our neighbors....so we just went with it.

COW: We wanted to get our music out there, you know? What is music worth if it doesn't have ears to listen to it?

CR: Did Radiohead contact you for advice before they released their album? Do you think Radiohead's new strategy has the potential to revolutionize the music industry?

GOAT: Thom Yorke and I are tight. We email. He wrote one day and was all, "Hey Goat, are you cool with us doing this?" And I was all like, "Whatever dude, whatever floats your boat." So Radiohead put their stuff out for free and got massive publicity for it.

CHICKEN: It might revolutionize the industry, but who knows? It sure is a nice thought, though.



CR: Aren't you the least bit tempted to go corporate and cash in on your popularity? Just imagine what you could do with those millions of dollars...

PIG: There are millions of dollars in CD sales? Seriously? Man, maybe we should see about...

SHEEP: Pig, come on man. Don't be so naive. There are millions of dollars to be made, but for the corporate big wigs. Not us little livestock.

CR: Since the animals are the ones that do all the real work, does Farmer Joe share any of his agricultural profits with you?

PIG: No, all we get is some stacks of hay and feed. Not even good feed, how about something with some spice to it? A little kick, a little something!

CR: I hear that you are raffling off original artwork this week. What will the money be used for?

SHEEP: Yes, this is true. We sat for portraits by artist Jarrett Krosoczka. The money raised is going to go to two places. Most of the money will go to this non-profit group called the Central Massachusetts Arts Assembly. This is a group that is important to our man Scott Cambot, and he produced our latest tracks. Another part of the money will go to paying for the costs of recording the music and to the people who make our songs possible. People like Scott, Thom, and Erik who tune our instruments and stuff.

CR: Whose painting do you think will raise the most money? Doesn't this have the potential to create tension between you all? Is there any behind the scenes betting going on between the band to see who can drum up the most interest?




PIG: Mine!












SHEEP: Oh, here we go!











COW: I don't know, I wouldn't underestimate the popularity of Goat.











GOAT: Oh shucks, I'm totally blushing, dude.










CHICKEN: People like chickens, don't they? I hope someone tries to win mine. Oh.....what if they don't? Oh....







PIG: I don't think it will cause any tension between us. Just as long as people understand that I will get the most tickets sold....

COW: Well, I don't plan on advocating, but if people would like to help boost my self-esteem...so be it!

CHICKEN: I'm not going to get any sleep all week....


To buy tickets for a chance to win one of these original band portraits (the ones pictured above), go to the Punk Farm Raffle website. And remember, rock memorabilia is a great investment. Clapton sold one of his guitars for $959,500 and he wasn't half the guitarist that Pig is. With the dollar being as weak as it is, this may be the last worthwhile investment opportunity of the decade.

As for who will raise the most money... based on my time with the band, the safe bet is for Pig to rake in the most cash, but I'm inclined to agree with Cow. My money is on Goat as the silent-but-deadly dark horse candidate.

Okay, that's it for now. If I don't stop typing now, I'm going to get sick all over the backseat of the Rock Van. For the rest of the Punk Farm Interview series, check out the BSB archives. And be sure to check back in on Wednesday for Part 2 in which I explore the social networking phenomenon known as punkfarmspace.

Until then: Rock on, Rock off, I don't care. As long as there is Rock involved.

-CR

Breaking News: Mickey's Day in Court

Wednesday morning, the world was shocked to hear that Mickey Mouse, Tweety Bird, Donald and Daisy Duck were summoned to a court in Italy to testify in regards to their involvement in an international counterfeiting scheme (for the full story, go here). The much beloved quartet had been operating with Italian aliases (Topolino, Titty, Paperino, and Paperina) and had been under surveillance by Italian Intelligence for months now.

In a statement released on Wednesday morning, the lawyer representing the Italian government said, "The epic failure of Euro-Disney was a devastating financial blow for all of us, but that is no excuse for resorting to a life of crime. No one has been found guilty yet, but the evidence is overwhelming. Rest assured, we will get to the bottom of this."

Even Italian president Giorgio Napolitano, weighed in on the controversy, saying that "This should makes us all wonder just how much of the 'Magic' Kingdom is actually magic, and how much is counterfeit. In 1982, our fellow European Jean Baudrillard wrote an essay called Disneyworld Company, in which he pointed out that Disney was 'the grand initiator of the imaginary as virtual reality.' Today, this seems quite prescient. At the time, I dismissed this as typical French philosophical foolishness. If I had known that all Baudrillard's talk about hyper-reality and simulacra was really about counterfeiting schemes and international crime syndicates, I wouldn't have written him off as just another namby-pamby fluffhead."

Needless to say, the news has sent shockwaves all over the world. We will keep you updated as the situation continues to develop.

Ratatouille: DVD Special Features

Given the intensity of today's DVD Special Features, it's no surprise that we never get to them all. And to be honest, as enlightening as the Director's Commentary may be, most people rarely take the time to sit through it (if you're like me, you run out of steam after the deleted scenes and the outtakes/blooper reel).

However, since Ratatouille is one of my new favorites, as a special service, I've transcribed a portion of the Director's Commentary from the Limited Issue Collector's Edition of Ratatouille that I thought you'd find particularly enlightening. Enjoy!



Scene: Remy Cooks the Soup
Time: 00:23:32 - 00:34:46
Commentary by: Brad Bird (Director, Writer) and John Lasseter (Executive Producer)

Bird: This might be my favorite scene. It really epitomizes one of the driving forces behind the story, and that is the transcendent nature of art. How one can just get swept up in the divine process of creation, whether it be cooking, painting, or animating. Here Remy delays his escape, literally putting his life on the line, in order to satisfy his artistic impulse. It's really quite beautiful.

Lasseter: I couldn't agree more. As artists, we all know that risk is an essential component to all great art. Without risk, there is no reward.

Bird: And this project in and of itself was a huge risk. I mean, the idea of creating an entire movie around a rat in the kitchen... and cooking no less! You don't know how many people thought we were totally nuts. Though to be honest, we weren't exactly treading new ground here. Rodents have been at the heart of children's entertainment for generations.

Lasseter: And because of the Disney connection, people always assume that Remy was a descendent of Mickey Mouse...

Bird: Yeah, that's the first thing people always ask me. But, to be honest, while I was putting the script together, I didn't consider Mickey to be a good role model for the Remy character. For me, as great as Mickey was, he was always a creation… never the creator. He was the product of Walt Disney's imagination, but the character himself lacked imagination… I always found him to be kind of bland... the likeable straight man in a world of fantastically complex characters. To find a suitable ancestor for Remy, I had to draw upon a character who felt the same creative impulse. I found just the guy in another beloved rodent: Leo Lionni’s Frederick.



Lasseter: When Brad told me this, I nearly fell out of my chair, because Frederick was one of my childhood favorites. You all know the story, a band of mice prepares for the harsh winter, but one of them, Frederick, collects words and colors instead of food. At first, everyone thinks he's lazy, but as the cold months drag on and they run out of food, Frederick's artistic vision inspires them and allows them to survive for the duration of the winter. Inspiration and imagination warms the body and soul and the power of art triumphs over circumstance.

Bird: Right.... so as you can see, Remy and Frederick have a lot in common. They really are cut from the same cloth. They both start out as outcasts because of their artistic tendencies. They both want to elevate themselves from the mundane through their art. However, I was always a little bothered by Frederick because I kept thinking, couldn't he have collected words and colors while lending a hand? I mean, there had to be some kind of balance between indulging in your art and the basic necessity of gathering food. I couldn't shake the feeling that despite his triumph at the end, Frederick was still kind of a freeloader.

Lasseter: Brad, I never thought I'd say this, but you're starting to sound like a Republican.

Bird: Stop it. You know what I mean. Yes, art is important, but so is sustaining one's livelihood. I mean, dude, hadn't Frederick ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?!

Lasseter: You're digressing. Let's get back on track, or we'll have to cut this from the final DVD.

Bird: Right. So, in order to reconcile the basic need for food with the transcendent desire to create, I had the brilliant idea to make food his art! It was quite an elegant solution, if I do say so myself.

Lasseter: Plus, with the current pop culture obsession with the culinary arts, food made the movie very marketable. I mean just look at the popularity of the Food Network, Top Chef, Iron Chef, Swedish Chef, etc. This was an idea that came at the perfect time. But that's the producer in me talking.

Bird: Yeah, the producer in you also forced me to put in that ill-conceived romance between Linguini and Collete. That one still stings... I mean, who in their right mind would believe that the tough-as-nails Collete would ever fall in love with the hapless Linguini? Suspension of disbelief can only take the audience so far.

Lasseter: Yeah, yeah, I didn't hear you complaining when Ratatouille was sitting at the top of the box office and the checks were rolling in. I know the movie industry and I know our audience. People want some love sprinkled into every story... it's like hot sauce, a little bit sprinkled on anything makes it better. People like a little spice.

Bird: What about cereal? Do you put hot sauce on your cereal?! I didn't think so. Not everything needs to be "spiced" up. Anyway, back to my point, if you take Frederick and compare it to Ratatouille, you'll start to see more parallels. The scene where Remy helps his cousin Emile visualize taste pays homage to the scene where he Frederick helps his friends visualize the colors of spring. And instead of a harsh winter, I chose to embody the impending threat of death in the chilly and crypt-like character of the food critic, Anton Ego.

Lasseter: And as all of us in the entertainment business know, a critic's chilly reception is much deadlier than even the coldest winter.

Bird: Yeah, luckily, we haven't had to deal with much of that because we only make awesome movies.

Lasseter: Yeah, we rock. High Five!

[Bird and Lasseter "high five".]

Bird: And just like Frederick's art triumphs over winter, Remy's passion and talent melts the heart of Anton Ego and rescues the critic from his perpetual winter of discontent. And in both the book and the film, the skeptical peers find inspiration in the wake of their talented friend/son. Oh, and even the name Linguini is a tribute to the great children's author... I wonder if the audience caught that. Lin-gui-ni, Li-o-nni...

Lasseter: I didn't even catch that until now!

Bird: I know, cool isn't it? High five!

[Bird and Lasseter "high five" again.]

Bird: Ooo! Ooo! This next scene is great too! It's where Linguini and Remy first communicate down by the river. There are just so many layers of complexity embedded in their interaction. To really increase the tension, I incorporated aspects of Freud's Theories of Externalization as well as a Jungian Conception of Synchronicity...

Lasseter: Oh wait--did you hear that?

Bird: Hear what?

Lasseter: That sound... I think... I think it's the sound of our audience falling asleep.

Bird: Or maybe... it's the sound of me feeding you a knuckle sandwich!

Lasseter: Bring it on, Birdman!

Bird: You asked for it... one knuckle sandwich coming up! I hope you're hungry!

---end of transcript---

I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean!

SPOILER ALERT: The Excelsior File got it right when he said, "Honestly, I feel it's a bit much to forewarn of a spoiler on a picture book, but when I picked this jolly little thing up I wasn't prepared for the twist and actually laughed. out. loud. If you would like a chance at the same ignore this review right now and go check it out for yourself."

So yeah, go read the book. You have been warned. Now, back to business.

--------------------

[The following is a partial transcript from the presentation, "From the Belly of the Beast: The Metaphysical in Children's Literature". The presentation discussed Kevin Sherry's I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean and was part of the 28th Annual Conference on Comparative Children's Literature hosted by the University of Florida's Center for Children's Literature and Culture. Per their request, the speakers' names have been removed from the record.]


Speaker 1: It is my contention that Sherry's Giant Squid represents a modernized heroic ideal. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, it opens with a giant squid proudly proclaiming that he is, in fact, big. He then proceeds on a tour of the ocean, pointing out that he is bigger than clams, those fish, these fish, that shark, etc., etc. In a sudden twist of fate, the squid is swallowed up by a blue whale. Rather than be defeated by this unforeseen turn of events, the squid bravely exclaims, "I am the biggest thing in this whale!" We should all be so strong of character. This unwavering optimism in the face of overwhelming adversity is the only heroic response to the uncertainty of the human condition. To stare death, doubt, and obsurity in the eye and proclaim, "I am!" That is the modern definition of heroism.

Speaker 2: Pardon my French, but bulls--t! This is exactly the kind of wanderlusting and daydreamy wimpering that is watering down today's intellectual landscape. The giant squid is no hero, he is the anti-hero, indicative of all that is fundamentally wrong with the human condition. The story starts out innocently enough, with the squid asserting that he is "big". Okay, fine. Unfortunately, he is not content to leave it at that. He is compelled to go through the ocean lording his size over the other beings unfortunate enough to cross his path. The squid's need to demean others in order to assert his dominance highlights one of the tragic flaws of humanity. Our species-wide insecurity gives birth to the compulsive need to establish/impose social hierarchy, often through the use of force. This is why our historical record is no more than an unending parade of war and death. It is why the pursuit of any kind of utopian ideal is ultimately an exercise in futility.

Speaker 1: I believe my esteemed colleague is suffering from, what we in the business refer to as: The "Glass is Half Empty" Syndrome. [crowd laughter] Now if--

Speaker 2: The glass is not half empty! My whole point is that there is no glass! We have created the myth of a divine "glass" that holds existence together, but the sad truth is that there is nothing there. The glass is an illusion that we have created for ourselves so that we may go on with our sad and pathetic lives. We are afraid to face the fact that, without a glass, without divine reason, we are just a sad puddle of coincidence just waiting for someone to come by and clean up the mess.

Speaker 1: Are you quite finished? If you'll allow me to continue, ladies and gentlemen, [Speaker 2]'s brand of pessimistic logic is exactly why we need a hero like the Giant Squid. Once swallowed by the whale, the Squid does not surrender. He merely takes a moment to compose himself, makes the best of the situation, and maintains his triumphant spirit. If you, [Speaker 2] were faced with that same situation, perhaps you would lay down your arms, proclaim the futility of it all, and resign yourself to float, adrift in a cess pool of your lukewarm agnosticism and solipsistic self pity... but where is the heroism in that? No, the heroic response is to scream defiantly into the echo chamber of the heavens, if for no other reason than to hear the reaffirming sound of your own voice calling back to you. Optimism may be a grand illusion, but it is our best weapon against existential futility and tragic resignation.

Speaker 2: Do you really buy this junk? This squid is not a modern day hero, he is a modern day Don Quixote, a self-delusional, albeit endearing, nincompoop whose flawed logic only leads to his own destruction. For the sake of argument, let's assume that there is some universal order, some divine logic... then we must ask ourselves, WHY was the giant squid swallowed by the whale? What message is being sent through this turn of events? Simple: It was karmic retribution for his audacity and hubris. And how does our "hero" respond to this divine slice of humble pie? It barely phases him. He appears to be incapable of learning his lesson or any lesson for that matter. He merely readjusts the terms of success in order to suit his needs. This is the kind of slippery moral relativism that undermines the most sacred treasure of our humanity: our ability to distinguish right from wrong. In fact, you know who the squid reminds me of? One George--

Speaker 1: Oh please, let's not go down that road again...

Speaker 2: ...W. Bush! Like our misguided squid, George W. Bush follows his own path of perceived greatness, his self-proclaimed largesse dragging the country, nay the world, on his imperial march into the quagmire that is this neverending misadventure in Iraq. And faced with adversity, he merely changes the rules of the game as he goes along. First, we invaded because we had to get rid of WMDs. When those were nowhere to be found, he declared Iraq to be an exercise in sowing the seeds of democracy in the Middle East. When that turned out to be a failure, he lowers his bar for success yet again, redefining success as a decrease in the number of daily car bombs. Can't you see people?! I am the walrus, George Bush is the squid!

Speaker 1: On that note, I think we're just about out of time. I'd like to thank everyone for coming and--

Speaker 2: I'm not done yet! You can try to silence me, but you can't silence the truth! What are you afraid of, [Speaker 1]? What, were you a member of Skull and Bones in college with Bush? Were you in the same secret society?

Speaker 1: I think that's quite enough. Security, can you please help [Speaker 2] to his seat?

Speaker 2: The squid is the tragic figure of our times! We must learn from his mistakes! We are not the biggest thing in the ocean! Excuse me, what are you doing? Are you arresting me? What are you arresting me for? Is everybody watching this? Hey, get your hands off me, what are you doing? We are not the biggest thing in this whale! We are--what, are you arresting me?! What did I do? Help! Help! Help! Are you kidding? You're arresting me. I am the biggest thing at this convention! What did I do? Get away from me!

Speaker 1: Folks, Folks, I think if we all just calm down, this situation [unintelligible].

Speaker 2: Help! Help! What did I do? What did I do? I didn't do anything! Hey, don't tase me, bro! I am the biggest thing in the OWWWWWW!!!! OWWWWWWWW!!!! OWWWWWWW!!!! What did I do...? What did I do...?

--end of transcript--

[For a video clip of this presentation, click here. For a complete transcript of the discussion or any other forums during the 28th Annual Conference on Comparative Children's Literature, or to send presentation proposals for next year's conference, email haroldp@acccl.org.]

Note: For the record, despite [Speaker 2]'s opinion, we at Bottom Shelf Books loved this book. In fact, we walked around the apartment shouting, "I'M THE BIGGEST THING IN THE OCEAN!" for about a month after reading it.