07 March 2007

The Three Questions



Author/Illustrator: Jon J. Muth

An adaptation of a short story by Leo Tolstoy, this story follows Nikolai, a young boy trying to answer three of life's biggest questions: When is the best time to do things? Who is the most important one? What is the right thing to do? Young Nikolai has to climb a mountain, chase a turtle, and rescue some pandas before finding the answers. Sound like too much work for enlightenment? I thought so. Luckily you don't have to go through all that, because the answers are actually quite simple:

When is the best time to do things? After eating a hot dog.

Who is the most important one? The one who has those incriminating pictures of you from that regrettable night in college.

What is the right thing to do? Admit to the waitress that you are actually 27 and not 12, so technically you shouldn't be able to order from the Kid's Menu even though it's so much cheaper and all you want is a grilled cheese sandwich that doesn't cost $7.50.

I understand if you read the book anyways because you want Tolstoy's take on it... but I guarantee you, I'm not that far off! Tolstoy loved hot dogs and he lived for grilled cheese sandwiches. This is obvious to anyone who has seen the original manuscript of War and Peace, 75 percent of which is translucent due to grease stains.

Sibling Suggestion: My sister had a good suggestion: Collect people's answers to the Big 3 Questions! So (all 5 of you that read this blog), if you've got the time (and I know you do, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this), go to the comments section below and fill us in on your particular take on the meaning of life. Whoever has the best answers gets free backstage passes to Nirvana!

7 comments:

vi said...

You should start collecting everyone's answers to the big 3. Here are mine:

When is the best time to do things? After emptying your bladder.

Who is the most important one? The keyholder to the bathroom (you know...the one holding the key attached to a big wooden ladle so you don't run away with the spoon).

What is the right thing to do? Replace the empty roll of toilet paper. Don't walk away, man.

Cynthia said...

1. when is the best time to do things? late night, after checking all your high school friends' myspaces, on your giraffe cushion on the floor of your room.

2. who is the most important one? the one who doesn't fall off the bed when there's a ruckus.

3. what is the right thing to do? cover your mouth and nose with a bandanna, put on rubber gloves, tear a pizza box in half, hold your breath, and scoop feces and attached plastic comb into double layered trash bag. tie knot quickly. dry heave a couple of times. run bag over to trash receptacle. dump buckets of hot water onto site of feces in order to wash it into gutter. remove protective gear. take a hot shower, washing everywhere twice. you have now saved the world.

Anonymous said...

Khanh-Anh says...
1) The best time to do things is after a 3-hour nap and a bowl of pho.
2)The most important person is the one with a car who doesn't mind driving you 'round because you yourself are too lazy to get a driving permit.
3)The right thing to do is to leave a bag of gummi bears open for a exactly seven days and then, and only then, can you enjoy the chewiness that is of a properly aged gummi bear.

William said...

When is the best time to do things?
Later.

Who is the most important one?
The main character.

What is the right thing to do?
There's only one thing to do.

Alex MacArthur said...

when is the best time to do things? during grey's anatomy, because that show sucks.

who is the most important one? angelina jolie. obviously. look how much news coverage she gets!

what is the right thing to do? i'm not completely sure, since i'm more on the left... but i think the right thing to do is eliminate all taxes, blow up all countries that aren't tourist destinations, and carry guns around so we can shoot each other.

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