23 November 2007

Live from the Bottom Shelf: The Adventures of Max and Pinky: Superheroes

Many of you know Max and Pinky from their first book, Best Buds. Well, now they are taking off (literally) in their new roles as Superheroes. And given their new superheroic status, there is only one logical thing for them to do now: apply to the Justice League.

The Justice League is a legendary collection of superheroes whose mission is to serve and protect humanity. The League first formed in 1960 and like any quality organization, is always looking to recruit new talent. However, being the most exclusive collection of superhuman talent in the industry, each applicant must endure a lengthy and arduous interview process. Max and Pinky are the latest in a long line of daring-doers to present their credentials to the prestigious Justice League hiring panel (made up of the founding members of the JL). Below is a transcript of their interview.

Justice League Interview: Max and Pinky
Application Number: 1013b
Date: 23 November 2007
Location: Secret Sanctuary

Superman: First I'd like to thank you both for coming in today. As the leader of the Justice League, I would like to congratulate you. We have had a particularly strong applicant pool this year, so the fact that you've made it this far in the interview process is impressive in and of itself. So let's get started, shall we? First of all, tell us why you're interested in joining the Justice League and what skills you would bring to our organization.

Max: Why don’t I start? I’ll begin by listing our attributes. First of all, I’m a young child and have just used the word attributes.

Pinky: That’s more a creepy anomaly than an actual skill.

Max: Anomaly?

Pinky: Geez! Now I’m doing it!

Max: Anyway, here’s what we’ve got going for ourselves. Sweet capes and masks.

Pinky: Homemade, mind you.

Max: Right. Also, we can fly.

Pinky: With surprising precision.

Max: Pinky, can you think of anything else?

Pinky: Um, that’s about it.

Max: Ok, to recap. Masks, capes, and flying.

Pinky: And a freakish vocabulary for a five year old and an underdeveloped pig.

Batman: As superheroes you have a lot of strengths, but what are your weaknesses? For example, it's widely known that you, Pinky, have a soft spot for marshmallows. What steps, if any, have you taken to safeguard against an evil villian who might use your love of marshmallows against you?

Who told you I like marshmallows? Anyway, I’d like to think of my love of marshmallows as a strength rather than a weakness. Maybe even an extension of my superpowers? After all, can anyone else in this room eat a metric ton of marshmallows before breakfast? Just give my dentist a call and I think you’ll find I’ve never had so much as a sore tooth.

Max: He’s right. It’s pretty ridiculous really.

Pinky: Of course, Max does have one major weakness.

Max: Yeah, it’s my sensitivity to overhead sunlight. Let’s just say there isn’t a lot between my scalp and the direct rays of the sun. But a liberal application of sunscreen usually does the trick.

Wonderwoman: Do you work well in groups or do you prefer working individually? I ask because we had this problem early on with Batman. His vigilante nature did not translate well to team work at all. Getting him to restock the copy machine was such an ordeal.

Batman: Hey, I didn't get a Master's in Criminal Psychology to be your freakin' copy boy!

Superman: Please Bruce, this is not the time. Max, Pinky, please answer Wonderman's question.

Max: I’m not going to beat around the bush. We’ve had our problems in the past. One incident was fairly well documented in a stunning piece of reportage called The Adventures of Max and Pinky: Superheroes. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but we’ve since worked through our differences and have struck a compromise of sorts.

Pinky: I thought we agreed not bring that up.

Max: We’ll talk about this later, Pinky.

Flash: Hollywood is currently on a tear making superhero movies. After the Ben Affleck/Daredevil debacle, I have assumed responsibility for all negotiations with Hollywood. So, if we were to work out a movie deal, who would you choose to play the roles of Max and Pinky? And who would be your first choice for director?

Pinky: I’ll take this, Max. Actually, I’ve given this quite a bit of thought. The choices are simple. I’ve already discussed it with his agent over lunch and we’ve arranged for the role of Pinky to be played by Daniel Day Lewis. It’s an obvious physical match, and as far as acting goes it will really take a thespian of his skill and experience to capture the depth and subtlety of my character.

Flash: And who would play Max?

Pinky: I was thinking Ben Kingsley for obvious—

Max: Hold on! I think we’re still discussing this. So let’s not lock ourselves in, ok? But as far as directors go, Pinky and I were thinking of co-directing and producing.

Flash: Producing?

Max: Let’s just say things on the farm have been going fairly well and we’ve got the necessary resources to put this project into motion.

Pinky: We got in on marshmallows when they were a nickel a ton.

Aquaman: What are your long term goals? Where do you see yourselves 5, 10 years from now? And also, do you have any interest in joining the company waterpolo team? We've got a big game against the Xmen next week and we could really use some fresh blood.

Max: In ten years, I suspect I’ll be trying to explain to my teenaged friends why I’m having a conversation with a sarcastic talking horse named Chuck. And the waterpolo team sounds great, but don’t bother ordering me a swim cap.

Pinky: Are inflatable swimmies allowed? I’m not a strong swimmer.

Martian Manhunter: I don't have any questions. I can read minds, so I already know all I need to know about the two of you. Wait, actually, I do have one question: Can I have one of those marshmallows you have hidden in the folds of your cape?

Pinky: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Superman: Well, those are all the questions we have for now. Are there any questions you would like to ask us?

Max: Just one. Did we get the job?

Superman: We have your information, so we’ll be in touch. Thank you for coming in.

Pinky: We didn’t get it, did we.

Batman: The man said we'd be in touch. This interview is over. Our secretary will show you out. Robin! Show these two to the door... and get me some more coffee while you're at it!

Note: The Justice League is an equal opportunity employer and will consider all applicants regardless of race, gender, or planet of origin. All are encouraged to apply... as long as you have superhuman powers, that is. Please direct any questions regarding our hiring policies to the Justice League's Diversity Coordinators: Green Lantern (g.lantern@jleague.org) and Hawkgirl (h.girl@jleague.org).

For more information on the applicants, check out the Max and Pinky website or read Maxwell Eaton III's interview with Bottom Shelf Books. And if you want to send them a good luck message while they await the results of their interview, you can send them (or anyone else) a personalized Max and Pinky eCard.

Also, check out Eaton's sketch-a-day blog where you can find pictures like this:

Man, that's awesome. I don't think I'll ever get tired of that. In fact, if I ever got a tattoo, this would be it.


Anonymous said...

THAT is fun. Bravo!

Anonymous said...

Good post, Mr. Le, but I am most put out that I was not mentioned in the lineup, considering all the good that I've done for Star City and Seattle (my adopted home). As someone who was coerced into joining the Justice League, I figure I've got a unique perspective on what it takes to make it as a member of the JL. Good luck, Max and Pinky! I'm rooting for you.

Minh said...

Dear Green Arrow,

I apologize. I did not mean to offend you by leaving you out of the post. However, when I asked Superman about you, he said "Leave him out of this. I don't want to go into details, but let me just put it this way: I'm all for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor... but the petty cash box is a different matter altogether."

Anonymous said...

Best. blog. post. ever.

Anonymous said...

A waterpolo match against the X-men? What is this, interdimensional water polo?
And, according to their hiring statement, you have to have superhuman powers to join. So how did Batman get in? And Green Arrow? If Max and Pinky can fly, they've already got a leg up on these guys...

Unknown said...

Dear JP,

This is in response to your inquiry regarding the Justice League's Superhuman Powers policy,

1) As a founding member, Batman helped craft this policy, but is immune from any retroactive personnel decisions

2) The baseline for what is considered "normal" human behavior is a moving target. Therefore, what is considered to be "super" human is also subject to change.

Our studies show that today's "average" human spends 1/3 of the day sleeping, 1/3 watching TV, and 1/3 surfing the internet (with a statistically insignificant fraction devoted to actual work). Therefore, by those standards, Batman's daily routine clearly qualifies him as "super" human, despite his inability to fly.

Thank you for your question and we hope this clarifies things.


Green Lantern and Hawkgirl

Co-Diversity Directors
Department of Human Resources
Justice League

Vivian Mahoney said...

Oh. This is great! Poor Robin.

J. L. Bell said...

For quite a while now, Robin has been busy with the Teen Titans. Alfred brings Batman his caffeine.

Minh said...

Unfortunately, Alfred has too many responsibilities at Wayne Manor to double as the Justice League secretary.

Robin is interning as secretary. It is valuable experience that will bulk up his resume so that when he graduates from the Teen Titans, he'll have a better chance of moving up in the world (possibly to the Justice League, though his chances appear pretty slim right now).

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