26 April 2007

A Second is a Hiccup

Author/Illustrator: Hazel Hutchins

Having trouble teaching your kids about time? This book introduces kids to the concept of time through the lens of bodily functions and other fun daily events (hiccups, hugs, jumping rope, etc.). Hutchins' playful book may come in handy because time is such an abstract concept--it's hard enough for adults to grasp, let alone kids.

Case in point: Just last night, the House approved a $124 billion war spending bill. It's about damn time. No, seriously, the bill is actually about time. The current proposal includes a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq, currently set at T minus 1,420,340,243 hiccups. Meanwhile, the White House has been accusing Congress of political grandstanding. The president has been anxiously waiting for Congress to stop farting around (a fart = 1 to 5 minutes) and get the budget proposal to his desk so he can veto it in the time it takes him to burp (6 seconds).

People on both sides of the aisle are understandably concerned about the implications of such a timetable. Will it send the wrong message to the troops? (As if extending their tours of duty in a suspect war is sending them the right message?) Or, more importantly, will it "embolden the terrorists" and allow them to merely bide their time and hold their breath until time is up? Because, as everyone knows, holding your breath is a time-tested technique for getting rid of the hiccups... but then again, so is drinking a glass of water upside-down and eating a heaping spoon of peanut butter. I've also heard that eating uncooked pasta is supposed to do the trick. Come to think of it... is it just me, or do all hiccup cures sound like the cruel inventions of older siblings trying to make us look ridiculous?

Anyway, moral of the story: Seconds are hiccups... the hiccups of God. In which case, the epic flood (you know, the one with Noah and all the animals) was actually God drinking a glass of water upside-down in an attempt to get rid of the hiccups. But that didn't work, so God said, "Let there be peanut butter." And it was so. But by that point, God had grown accustomed to the hiccups and kinda liked 'em. So God (ever the resourceful one) said, "Let there be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." And God saw that it was good. Especially with a glass of milk.

What were we talking about again?

No comments: