18 April 2007
The Kiss That Missed
Author/Illustrator: David Melling
It's bedtime and the king blows a kiss to his son... unfortunately, the kiss misses and escapes out the window! The king, being too important to chase after it himself (plus, he's already in his jammies), sends his bravest knight to go and retrieve the royal kiss. God forbid that some poor villager inadvertently enjoys the bittersweet joy of a kiss from the monarchy. (This was actually a common medical nuisance during medieval times. Which is why the "kissing disease" is called "mononucleosis", loosely translated as "originating from the monarchy".)
Unfortunately, the knight cannot chase down the wayward kiss and it eventually finds itself in the pocket of the unsuspecting Hollywood actor, Richard Gere. Then, in an embarrassing display of awkwardness, Gere gives the kiss to Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS benefit concert. Bad idea. This public display of affection causes a royal pain in the ass for all involved and people in Mumbai actually set fire to effigies of Gere.
Which is a ridiculous thing to do. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons to burn Richard Gere in effigy. For starters,
1. He is sometimes called the world's most famous Buddhist.
2. He just kinda sucks.
3. Dr. T and the Women.
I could keep going. Point is, the fact that he kissed a woman in public in a botched publicity stunt is very low on that list. What is even more ridiculous is that people are burning effigies of Ms. Shetty. Are you kidding me?! Wasn't being kissed by an aging Richard Gere punishment enough?
Breaking News: Gere has since fled the scene and, rumor has it, is making his way to Tibet. It is only a matter of time until he strikes again. Someone must warn the Dalai Lama!