16 April 2007

Happy to be Nappy



Author: bell hooks
Illustrator: Chris Raschka

In wake of the fallout from his well-publicized faux pas, radio host Don Imus will attempt to regain his public credibility by joining other "misunderstood" celebrities on a book tour called Books not Bigots: Reading for Reconciliation. Each falling star will spend a month touring elementary schools across the nation reading books that celebrate diversity and preach tolerance. The tour will be coordinated by the Reverend Al Sharpton and the celebrity readers will be supervised by the Reverend Al Sharpton's hair.

Imus will kick off the tour by reading the story of positive self-image and acceptance: Happy to be Nappy. The book was written by bell hooks, the influential intellectual who is an outspoken critic of racism, classism, sexism, and the capitalism of letters. Despite Happy to be Nappy's uplifting message, the tour will not help Imus's image, as he repeatedly scares the bejeezus out of little children at each stop. Love him or leave him, he is one scary-looking dude (no offense to all the scary-looking dudes out there).

Here is the Books not Bigots upcoming schedule of featured authors:

April
Don Imus
Happy to be Nappy
Author: bell hooks
Illustrator: Chris Raschka

May
Joe "Foot in mouth" Biden
Do's and Don'ts
Author/Illustrator: Todd Parr

June

Rosie "Ching-chong, Ching-chong" O'Donnell
American Born Chinese
Author/Illustrator: Gene Luen Yang

July

Michael "$&@?@!!" Richards
The Color of Us
Author/Illustrator: Karen Katz

August
Tim "I hate gay people." Hardaway
We're Different, We're the Same
Author: Bobby Kates
Illustrator: Joe Mathieu

Future celebrities seeking redemption are yet to be announced... but trust us, there will be more. As long as there are people talking, there will be people saying stupid things and regretting it. Who's next? My money is on former U.N. Secretary Kofi Annan. It can't be healthy to be that calm for that long... if anyone is due to go off on an expletive laced rant, it's him.

(Just do it, Mr. Annan... it'll feel so good. We'll start you off easy. Complete this sentence: Looking at John Bolton's moustache made me want to ________. There, doesn't that feel better? Now try this one: Whenever I hear President ________ speak, I want to ________ his condescending ________ and then slap that ________-eating grin off his ________ face.)

1 comment:

Jenny said...

For about a half a second I thought this was true.

Very nice.